Category Archives: Send Shame Packing

When We Don’t Feel Loveable

You’ve heard about the guy who had it all: riches, fame, prestige, complete, earthy autonomy. He had everything going for him, but made some really bad choices and crashed and burned. It’s hard to imagine how anyone can get on the other side of adultery, murder, and the hostile rebellion of a son. He certainly reaped what he sowed, but we can learn from him on steps we can take to salvage our hearts on the other side of sin.

His troubles began one evening, when he really should have been working. In his leisure, a beautiful lady caught his eye.  He did more than just take a second look. When the smoke cleared, her husband was dead and she was pregnant. 

You’ve probably figured out by now, I’m speaking of King David, the man who wrote a majority of the Psalms.  It would be written of David that, in spite of his poor choices, he was a man after God’s own heart. [1]

How can this be? How did his heart recover from such devastation? How do we recover when we sin? What do we do when we don’t even want to approach God because of the shame we feel? What do we do when we don’t feel loveable?

Steps to Recovery

Into the Light

David didn’t voluntarily bring his sin with Bathsheba into the light. Nathan, the prophet of God, called him on it by using a story of a lamb, recorded in II Samuel chapter 12.

David’s anger burned against the wealthy man in the story for taking the poor man’s lamb.

He said to Nathan,  “As the Lord lives, the man who has done this certainly deserves to die!  So he must make restitution for the lamb four times over, since he did this thing and had no compassion.” (verse 6)

Then, in an instance, David’s sin was brought to light when Nathan said to him,  “You yourself are the man! (verse 7)

Nathan went on to say,  Now then, the sword shall never leave your house, because you have despised Me and have taken the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your wife.’ This is what the Lord says: ‘Behold, I am going to raise up evil against you from your own household; I will even take your wives before your eyes and give them to your companion, and he will sleep with your wives in broad daylight. Indeed, you did it secretly, but I will do this thing before all Israel, and in open daylight.’” (verses 10-12)

Not good outcomes for David when his sin was brought to light, but keeping things hidden is also very damaging. As hard as it is to bring the shame of our sin into the light, it must happen, and the sooner the better. 

Hidden secrets, not only stifle us spiritually, but they can affect us in other ways.  “The emotional, mental, physical and spiritual impact of secrets are well documented. In fact, research suggests keeping secrets can significantly boost stress hormones, impact blood pressure, inhibit sleep, contribute to mental health and substance use disorders and even increase chronic pain.” [2]

Confession

Big or small, God wants us free from the weight and shackles of unconfessed sin.

I believe one of the reasons David is called a man after God’s own heart is his quick, humble response.

Then David said to Nathan, “I have sinned against the Lord.” (verse 13a)

And Nathan said to David, “The Lord also has allowed your sin to pass; you shall not die.  However, since by this deed you have shown utter disrespect for the Lord, the child himself who is born to you shall certainly die.” (verses 13b – 14).

As mentioned before, what David did had consequences which would follow him the rest of his life. But, in spite of this, David pressed into God not away from him.

God’s ultimate goal is for us to be like Jesus. [3] He wants us to experience the freedom and joy of casting down idols and digging deeply into God and His ways.

Pressing Deeply into God

What we see in David’s heart is an eager desire to draw closer to God. Rather than wallowing in shame, which would keep him from God, he asked for deeper cleansing and for the joy and gladness of being with Him.

Purify me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
Cleanse me, and I will be whiter than snow.                                                         Let me hear joy and gladness,
Let the bones You have broken rejoice.
Hide Your face from my sins
And wipe out all my guilty deeds (Psalms 51:7-9).  

 From what David wrote, we see he valued fellowship with God over walking in deceit. So much so, that he invited God to do further work in his heart so that deeper intimacy could occur.

Create in me a clean heart, God,
And renew a steadfast spirit within me (Psalms 51:10).

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
A broken and a contrite heart, God, You will not despise (Psalms 51:17).

It seems that because the sins were revealed and forgiveness was granted, David’s desire for God intensified. 

Potentially, as Jesus pointed out to Simon the Pharisee concerning the sinful woman who washed his feet, our sin can deepen our love for the Lord.

Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven—for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little (Luke 7:47 ESV).

But we must accept His grace, point our lives in a different direction, and depend upon His Spirit within us to live lives reflecting Jesus’ life. In other words, we need to follow Him.

Turning Evil on It’s Head

Joseph, as he was speaking to his brothers concerning what they had done to him, saw evil from a much broader, eternal perspective.

As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive (Genesis 50:20).

God uses our confession and repentance from sin to bring us His joy and freedom. This has always been the case in my life, as I follow David’s example of asking for a pure and contrite heart. As God shows me my sin, and I follow David’s example of dealing with it, I see God’s hand at work in it all, in spite of my sin. God’s grace and forgiveness leads me into a deeper love of Him.

Why would we ever want to hold onto that which causes us such inner turmoil instead of the joys of walking closely with God who created us?

Though we will still struggle, as we follow David’s example in our lives, we can experience God’s love no matter what we’ve done.

O God, You are my God; I shall seek You earnestly;  My soul thirsts for You, my flesh yearns for You, In a dry and weary land where there is no water.  Thus I have seen You in the sanctuary, To see Your power and Your glory.  Because Your lovingkindness is better than life, My lips will praise You  (Psalms 63:1-3).

Prayer

Lord, in Christ, I’m holy, blameless and beyond reproach. When I see this, and believe it by faith, I begin to feel Your lovingkindness, even in my failures and sin.

I rest in Your love right now and I desire to walk in it throughout the day. Even when I go through hard times, Your love shines brighter and brighter. You are faithful. You are good. You are kind.

Please continue to reveal sin in my life and give me the courage and strength to follow hard after You no matter what.

Amen

Instead of your shame you will have a double portion,
And instead of humiliation they will shout for joy over their portion.
Therefore they will possess a double portion in their land,
Everlasting joy will be theirs (Isaiah 61:7 NASB).

[1] I Samuel 13:14, Acts 13:22

[2] Secrets Can Make you Sick  Maggie Tipton, Psy.D

[3] Romans 8:28-29

Unless otherwise noted, verses are from the NASB version of the Bible.

Other Posts on God’s Grace and Forgiveness:

Joy in spite of Failure

Life After Addiction

Communing with God Because of the Precious Blood of Christ

Shalom – It Is Finished

Freedom From Guilt – The Exchanged Life

Lavishing Grace

Rivers of Living Water or Dying of Thirst

Withholding Nothing – Daily Surrender

Not My Will – Free Indeed

Weakness Which Drives us to God

Joy in the Journey is about the gladness of God’s nearness in the midst of life’s adventures.

Subscribe below to get email notifications of new posts. We post a few times a month. Thank you for reading. 

 Novels by the Author:

Rob Buck

What happens when a professor figures out how to send messages to his younger self to try and avoid the suicide of his best friend? Did he change more than he bargained for?  Beyond Time

By finding two undelivered letters in a old shack deep in the woods, Cassie and Daniel unknowing set off a series of events which uncover a plot to wipe out a whole family Hope Remains