Category Archives: Loved in spite of how we feel

When We Don’t Feel Loveable

You’ve heard about the guy who had it all: riches, fame, prestige, complete, earthy autonomy. He had everything going for him, but made some really bad choices and crashed and burned. It’s hard to imagine how anyone can get on the other side of adultery, murder, and the hostile rebellion of a son. He certainly reaped what he sowed, but we can learn from him on steps we can take to salvage our hearts on the other side of sin.

His troubles began one evening, when he really should have been working. In his leisure, a beautiful lady caught his eye.  He did more than just take a second look. When the smoke cleared, her husband was dead and she was pregnant. 

You’ve probably figured out by now, I’m speaking of King David, the man who wrote a majority of the Psalms.  It would be written of David that, in spite of his poor choices, he was a man after God’s own heart. [1]

How can this be? How did his heart recover from such devastation? How do we recover when we sin? What do we do when we don’t even want to approach God because of the shame we feel? What do we do when we don’t feel loveable?

Steps to Recovery

Into the Light

David didn’t voluntarily bring his sin with Bathsheba into the light. Nathan, the prophet of God, called him on it by using a story of a lamb, recorded in II Samuel chapter 12.

David’s anger burned against the wealthy man in the story for taking the poor man’s lamb.

He said to Nathan,  “As the Lord lives, the man who has done this certainly deserves to die!  So he must make restitution for the lamb four times over, since he did this thing and had no compassion.” (verse 6)

Then, in an instance, David’s sin was brought to light when Nathan said to him,  “You yourself are the man! (verse 7)

Nathan went on to say,  Now then, the sword shall never leave your house, because you have despised Me and have taken the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your wife.’ This is what the Lord says: ‘Behold, I am going to raise up evil against you from your own household; I will even take your wives before your eyes and give them to your companion, and he will sleep with your wives in broad daylight. Indeed, you did it secretly, but I will do this thing before all Israel, and in open daylight.’” (verses 10-12)

Not good outcomes for David when his sin was brought to light, but keeping things hidden is also very damaging. As hard as it is to bring the shame of our sin into the light, it must happen, and the sooner the better. 

Hidden secrets, not only stifle us spiritually, but they can affect us in other ways.  “The emotional, mental, physical and spiritual impact of secrets are well documented. In fact, research suggests keeping secrets can significantly boost stress hormones, impact blood pressure, inhibit sleep, contribute to mental health and substance use disorders and even increase chronic pain.” [2]

Confession

Big or small, God wants us free from the weight and shackles of unconfessed sin.

I believe one of the reasons David is called a man after God’s own heart is his quick, humble response.

Then David said to Nathan, “I have sinned against the Lord.” (verse 13a)

And Nathan said to David, “The Lord also has allowed your sin to pass; you shall not die.  However, since by this deed you have shown utter disrespect for the Lord, the child himself who is born to you shall certainly die.” (verses 13b – 14).

As mentioned before, what David did had consequences which would follow him the rest of his life. But, in spite of this, David pressed into God not away from him.

God’s ultimate goal is for us to be like Jesus. [3] He wants us to experience the freedom and joy of casting down idols and digging deeply into God and His ways.

Pressing Deeply into God

What we see in David’s heart is an eager desire to draw closer to God. Rather than wallowing in shame, which would keep him from God, he asked for deeper cleansing and for the joy and gladness of being with Him.

Purify me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
Cleanse me, and I will be whiter than snow.                                                         Let me hear joy and gladness,
Let the bones You have broken rejoice.
Hide Your face from my sins
And wipe out all my guilty deeds (Psalms 51:7-9).  

 From what David wrote, we see he valued fellowship with God over walking in deceit. So much so, that he invited God to do further work in his heart so that deeper intimacy could occur.

Create in me a clean heart, God,
And renew a steadfast spirit within me (Psalms 51:10).

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
A broken and a contrite heart, God, You will not despise (Psalms 51:17).

It seems that because the sins were revealed and forgiveness was granted, David’s desire for God intensified. 

Potentially, as Jesus pointed out to Simon the Pharisee concerning the sinful woman who washed his feet, our sin can deepen our love for the Lord.

Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven—for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little (Luke 7:47 ESV).

But we must accept His grace, point our lives in a different direction, and depend upon His Spirit within us to live lives reflecting Jesus’ life. In other words, we need to follow Him.

Turning Evil on It’s Head

Joseph, as he was speaking to his brothers concerning what they had done to him, saw evil from a much broader, eternal perspective.

As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive (Genesis 50:20).

God uses our confession and repentance from sin to bring us His joy and freedom. This has always been the case in my life, as I follow David’s example of asking for a pure and contrite heart. As God shows me my sin, and I follow David’s example of dealing with it, I see God’s hand at work in it all, in spite of my sin. God’s grace and forgiveness leads me into a deeper love of Him.

Why would we ever want to hold onto that which causes us such inner turmoil instead of the joys of walking closely with God who created us?

Though we will still struggle, as we follow David’s example in our lives, we can experience God’s love no matter what we’ve done.

O God, You are my God; I shall seek You earnestly;  My soul thirsts for You, my flesh yearns for You, In a dry and weary land where there is no water.  Thus I have seen You in the sanctuary, To see Your power and Your glory.  Because Your lovingkindness is better than life, My lips will praise You  (Psalms 63:1-3).

Prayer

Lord, in Christ, I’m holy, blameless and beyond reproach. When I see this, and believe it by faith, I begin to feel Your lovingkindness, even in my failures and sin.

I rest in Your love right now and I desire to walk in it throughout the day. Even when I go through hard times, Your love shines brighter and brighter. You are faithful. You are good. You are kind.

Please continue to reveal sin in my life and give me the courage and strength to follow hard after You no matter what.

Amen

Instead of your shame you will have a double portion,
And instead of humiliation they will shout for joy over their portion.
Therefore they will possess a double portion in their land,
Everlasting joy will be theirs (Isaiah 61:7 NASB).

[1] I Samuel 13:14, Acts 13:22

[2] Secrets Can Make you Sick  Maggie Tipton, Psy.D

[3] Romans 8:28-29

Unless otherwise noted, verses are from the NASB version of the Bible.

Other Posts on God’s Grace and Forgiveness:

Joy in spite of Failure

Life After Addiction

Communing with God Because of the Precious Blood of Christ

Shalom – It Is Finished

Freedom From Guilt – The Exchanged Life

Lavishing Grace

Rivers of Living Water or Dying of Thirst

Withholding Nothing – Daily Surrender

Not My Will – Free Indeed

Weakness Which Drives us to God

Joy in the Journey is about the gladness of God’s nearness in the midst of life’s adventures.

Subscribe below to get email notifications of new posts. We post a few times a month. Thank you for reading. 

 Novels by the Author:

Rob Buck

What happens when a professor figures out how to send messages to his younger self to try and avoid the suicide of his best friend? Did he change more than he bargained for?  Beyond Time

By finding two undelivered letters in a old shack deep in the woods, Cassie and Daniel unknowing set off a series of events which uncover a plot to wipe out a whole family Hope Remains

 

U Can’t Touch This

Stanley Burrell was batboy for the Oakland Athletics from 1973 to 1980. During that time, he was given the nickname “Hammer” because he looked so much like the homerun, king Hammering Hank Aaron. 

After his time with the Athletics, Hammer went on to write and perform the first rap song ever nominated for a Grammy Award record of the year. It became the  winner for best R&B and best rap solo performance. 

The song – U Can’t Touch This. The artist – M.C. Hammer.

I like it. It has an inviting, catchy rhythm. The title is repeated many times during the song.

U Can’t Touch This.

What’s interesting is how these words have helped me get a deeper understanding of some key aspects of God’s love.

You may wonder how the title of a rap song could possibly illuminate God’s love. Let’s take a look. 

Everlasting Love

On a vacation in Highlands N.C. a number of years ago, I was struck by the  the following verse.

The Lord appeared to him from afar, saying, “I have loved you with an everlasting love; Therefore I have drawn you with lovingkindness” (Jeremiah 31:3 NASB)

 As I rocked on the front porch, staring at the Appalachians, towering above the small mountain town, I dug deeper. I discovered that “Ahabah,” the Hebrew word  translated “everlasting love,” describes a quality of love which is beyond corruption. It can’t be changed by anything physical or what goes on in our souls.

With all the recent devastation in the world, the idea of God’s love not changing, no matter what the circumstance, is extraordinary news. It also means neither choices, thoughts or feelings can affect His everlasting love.

The steady embrace of God’s love for us can’t be changed. It remains untouched and unaffected by any external force. You can’t touch God’s love in a way which can change it.

U Can’t Touch This.

As believers, this changes everything about us, especially since we’ve been chosen to be loved by God since before the world began. [1]  

And how do we more fully grasp this quality of love which is not only unchangeable, but vast beyond belief?

As we ponder and meditate on the enormity of God’s everlasting love, let’s consider other aspects which add to the quality of His amazing love:

God’s Love Rescued Us

But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from the wrath of God through Him. For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life (Romans 5:8-10 NASB)

We were apart from God, facing eternal darkness with no ability to change the situation. In our helpless state, while we were still hostile toward Him, God choose to rescue us. And He did it by sending His Son to die in our stead.

Please don’t allow the familiarity of this great news to cheapen the impact!

We were hostile and helpless, but God, out of His unparalleled love, gave His Son to save us.

And, not only did He save us from God’s wrath by His death, much more will He now preserve and heal us by His indwelling life. 

Jesus Loves Us as Much as God Loves Him

“Just as the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you; abide in My love.”[3] Jesus

As much as God loves Jesus, He loves us. How can this really be? It seems unimaginable. Yet, Jesus said it. It is true!

Don’t rush past this. Remain in the truth of Jesus’ abiding love. 

But, we can’t assume upon the love and grace of Christ. [4] Though our actions can’t change God’s love for us, we can choose to disobey. As believers, the strap of His love holds, but Jesus desires us to walk in the fellowship of His love and joy. This is done by relying on Him and walking in obedience. 

Conclusion

As believers in Christ’s finished work for us on the cross, gazing upon and beginning to grasp the magnitude of God’s love for us is a first step in prioritizing and nurturing our relationship with Him.

God’s love has an eternal quality which keeps it from being affected by anything of this world, seen or unseen.

Even when we were against God, His love for us moved Him to send His own Son to die in our place, rescuing us and making us whole.

As much as God the Father loves Jesus, Jesus loves us and we’re called to walk in the fellowship of His love.

Prayer

Lord, I’ll never fully comprehend the extent of Your love for me. It’s beyond my ability to comprehend. However, because You describe it in Your word, I believe it and want to walk in it. Though I don’t understand Your love, please make it real in my heart that it might shape every moment of my life. Amen.

[1] Ephesians 1:4-5

[2] Romans 8:29

[3] John 15:9

[4] Romans 6:1-2

For Further Reading on God’s Love

Completely Loved

Why is Knowing God’s love Essential?

The Connection between Love and Joy

What Threatens us knowing God’s Love?

Experiencing the Freedom of God’s Love

God’s Love in a Broken World

Being Loved by God is our True Identity

Please Check out the new Cola City Podcast . Discussions that impact the vision of reaching every man, woman, and child in the Midlands of South Carolina.

Joy in the Journey is about the gladness of God’s nearness in the midst of life’s adventures.

Subscribe below to get email notifications of new posts. We post a few times a month. Thank you for reading. 

 Novels by the Author:

Rob Buck

What happens when a professor figures out how to send messages to his younger self to try and avoid the suicide of his best friend? Did he change more than he bargained for?  Beyond Time

By finding two undelivered letters in a old shack deep in the woods, Cassie and Daniel unknowing set off a series of events which uncover a plot to wipe out a whole family Hope Remains

Walking in God’s Delight

Being With My Buds

When I was a kid we had no cell phones, no internet, and no video games. Personal computers had not been invented. We had four TV channels, if you included the educational channel. A few shows were in color including, Disney’s Wonderful World of Color, which aired on Sunday nights. So, we spent a lot of time playing outside.

At the bottom of my road, my good friends Larry and Lee lived next to each other. On Saturday mornings, I might watch a few cartoons, but I much preferred being with my buds. As soon as possible, I’d hop on my bike and coast down the hill to their houses to hang out. We’d play basketball, baseball or football, fish in the creek or ride our bikes to the community pool to swim.

I remember, in my excitement, arriving too early one Saturday morning. I saw no activity in either house and I didn’t want to wake anyone. I parked my bike and sat on a bank in between their two houses and waited to play with them. I don’t remember who showed up first, but when one of them came out of their house, the games began.

Would God arrive early to be with me? Would He wait eagerly for me to appear? I read that He would, and so much more. But, I can’t grasp it.

They confronted me in the day of my calamity, But the Lord was my stay. He brought me forth also into a broad place; He rescued me, because He delighted in me (Psalm 18:18-19 NASB).

Lord, I read you delight in me. You’re gladder to be with me than I was to be with Larry and Lee. Being with me gives You pleasure. I can’t fathom this.

All You’ve Done for Me

Lord, open the eyes of my heart to all you’ve done for me and how much You long to be with me.

  • Before the world was formed, you chose to love me and to adopt me as your child[1]
  • You’ve loved me with an everlasting love which is unaffected by any of my thoughts, feelings or choices[2]
  • You’re familiar with all my ways, You weaved me together in my mother’s womb, Your thoughts toward me are beyond number[3]
  • Your love for me surpasses understanding. Even the breadth, width, length and height of the ocean and the sky above doesn’t adequately portray how delighted you are in me[4]
  • Even when I was against you, dead in my sinful ways and lost with no hope, you gave your very life so that we could be together forever[5]
  • You rejoice and shout for joy when You’re with me[6]

Wow! Great thanks and praise well up in my heart at all you’ve done for me. You care for me more than any person ever could.

Declaring Your Love for Me

Lord, nothing in my life can thwart your love for me.

I was in your mind when you created the world and Your thoughts toward me can’t be measured.

You know everything about me.

You designed me according to Your plans for me.

You’re so happy to be with me You gave your life to rescue me from oblivion.

I make you rejoice and jump for joy.

Walking in God’s Delight

How will walking in heart felt awareness of God’s delight in me change me?

Walking in God’s delight allows me to absorb the hurtful actions of others, like flaming arrows extinguished in a vast ocean.

Walking in God’s delight allows me to I trust that even the very difficult trials I’m going through are being used by Him for my eternal good.

Walking in God’s delight allows me to stay aware of His nearness and rejoice in life’s moments with him.

Walking in God’s delight allows me to notice and appreciate more fully His creation around me.

Walking in God’s delight allows me to love others with His abiding love.

Walking in God’s delight allows me to desire Him and delight in Him about all else.

Walking in God’s delight fills me with the overflowing joy of His presence.

Our Opposition

Walking in heartfelt awareness of God’s delight will literally change the moments of our days and transform our lives. So, it’s a key strategy of our adversary to try and block this life changing knowledge. But we are not unaware of these schemes and we are divinely empowered to destroy everything that blocks God’s love.

For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh, for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses. We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ (II Corinthians 10:3-5 NASB).

Prayer

Lord, knowing your love changes everything. Reveal your great delight in us now and always. Help us walk in your delight. By your mighty divine power, destroy every speculation and lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of your love. Fill our hearts with fresh awareness of your delight in us. In Jesus name I pray.   

Novels by the Author:

Beyond Time

Hope Remains

[1] Ephesians 1:4-5

[2] Jeremiah 31:3

[3] Psalm 139

[4] Ephesians 3:17-19

[5] Ephesians 2:4-5

[6] Zephaniah 3:17

When I Don’t Feel God’s Lovingkindness

O God, You are my God; I shall seek You earnestly;  My soul thirsts for You, my flesh yearns for You, In a dry and weary land where there is no water.  Thus I have seen You in the sanctuary, To see Your power and Your glory.  Because Your lovingkindness is better than life, My lips will praise You.  Psalm 63:1-3

As the sun warms my face, on a brisk, fall morning in the mountains of North Carolina, I read about God’s lovingkindness toward us.

David was in the wilderness when he penned the Psalm 63 and he compared his longing soul to dry, cracked soil. He was in desperate need of God’s presence, His Rivers of Living Water. (John 7:37-38)

I can relate to David’s desperate longings for God, but what catches my attention is the phrase “lovingkindness.”  David says it’s better than life itself.

Lovingkindness. What does it really mean? I’ve heard it said that if love is compared to a piece of freshly baked bread, slathered with butter. Lovingkindness is like adding strawberry preserves to what’s already succulently delicious.

The Hebrew word used here means goodness, faithfulness and kindness.

Jesus tells us God’s love for us is as great as the Father’s love for Him. (John 15:9) Paul uses words about God’s love for us which conger images of an ocean of love, beyond our understanding. (Ephesians 3:16-21)

When life is good, I can recognize God’s lovingkindness. However, in hard times, I don’t always feel loved, mostly because I don’t feel lovable.

Two situations come to mind.

  • when I fail
  • when I’m hurt.
When I Fail

I hate failing. I’ve had failures as a husband, as a father, as a son, as a brother, as an employee and an employer, as a friend, etc. Failure can cause me to feel unlovable. How can I be loved when I’ve performed so poorly?

As I write, the Holy Spirit reminds me:

I’ve been united with Christ in his death and resurrection. (Romans 6) I’ve been raised with Christ and seated with him in heavenly places. (Ephesians 2:6) In spite of my failures, I’m perfectly loved because my life is hidden with Christ (Colossians 3:3-4) Even though, in this temporal realm, I’m far from perfect, God loves me as much as He loves Jesus (John 15:9).

And although you were formerly alienated and hostile in mind, engaged in evil deeds, yet He has now reconciled you in His fleshly body through death, in order to present you before Him holy and blameless and beyond reproach. Colossians 1:21-22

In Christ, I’m holy, blameless and beyond reproach. When I see this, and believe it by faith, I begin to feel God’s lovingkindness, even in my failures. There are truths about me in Christ which can’t change because they are eternal.

When I’m Hurt

Another time I have a hard time embracing God’s lovingkindness for me is when I’ve been hurt. Being hurt can cause deep emotional pain, making me feel rejected and unlovable, even by God.

When I invite God into my pain, I do sense His presence and comfort.  I’m learning not to rely on the love of others for my value.

What helps is to realize the surpassing greatness of God’s love compared to even our dearest earthly relationships.  All human relationships must be secondary to our relationship with God. In fact, in Luke 14:26 Jesus says, “If anyone comes to Me, and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.”

Compared to God’s great love, human love is like hate. God’s lovingkindness far exceeds all human affection. When I get a grasp of the expanse of His surpassing love for me, I’m filled with Joy, even in the most difficult human hurts.

More and more I seek love only from Him. This frees me up to love others for their sake, not for what I can get out of the relationship.

Better Than Life

God’s love overshadows everything about us. And when life is hardest, His lovingkindness shines even brighter. As a diamond sparkles against a dark background, God’s love is more brilliant in our darkest days.

Prayer: Lord, I rest in your love right now. I desire to walk in your love throughout the day. Even when I go through hard times, your love shines brighter and brighter. You are faithful. You are good. You are kind.

You love me.

Your lovingkindness is everlasting. (Psalm 136)

Your lovingkindness is better than life.

Please keep me aware of you and your love moment by moment.

Amen