Tag Archives: rejected

The Righteousness of God

Packages (Part 6)

Leave a comment 
Dear reader, Packages is an allegory. There will be roughly a dozen parts before Bobby wakes up from a very long, lifelike dream. He'll then seek an interpretation.

Part 1 

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

I found myself on the packages again on Saturday, with no body of water in sight. I sat deep in a valley, surrounded by towering piles of boxes. The rising sun remained hidden from view; its presence only hinted at by the pastel hues of dawn. The location matched my mood.

The sobering events of the previous day made me cringe as they seeped into my groggy consciousness. As troubling as the work situation was, I was more concerned about not being reconciled with Jill. Over the years, we’d learned to navigate through difficulties, particularly when one could sense the other’s reaction stemmed from unresolved past hurts. Together, with faith in God, we’d learned to reveal and dismantle the longstanding falsehoods that had troubled our lives. It was rare for us to sleep without settling our differences and kissing. The previous night was particularly challenging because we both reacted from deep-seated pain and failed to extend grace before the day’s end. I knew it was my responsibility to lead in that regard, but I hadn’t.

I recalled His words that the packages were brimming with kindness, grace, and love—qualities I desperately needed to embrace the day ahead. Accepting His grace proved particularly challenging. Especially in light of how I’d failed to lead Jill and, with my growing unforgiveness and bitterness with Mike.

Even so, I was certain nothing could separate me from God’s love, not even my own shame.

I contemplated the Hebrew word “Hesed,” which translates to lovingkindness.

And Psalm 23 verse 6: Surely goodness and lovingkindness will follow me all the days of my life, And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

I recalled that this word embodies a divine love which transcends human understanding; like how God pursues us, in spite of our disobedience. Like how Hosea pursued Gomer, his harlot wife. [1]

Immersed in a deep awareness of His lovingkindness, my heart grew tender. I longed to embrace Jill and admit my mistake. We never do well when we’re not right with each other. 

“There’s something else in these boxes,” He said, again catching me off guard. “You’re absorbing more than just kindness, grace and love.”

“Read II Corinthians 5:21.”

I picked up the Bible resting on the box in front of me and read, He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.

“Can you guess what else you’ve been soaking in?” He asked.

“The righteousness of Christ Jesus?”

“Very good. Can that righteousness be diminished by anything you do or don’t do?” 

I paused a moment before answering. A new understanding was budding in my heart. “No. Since You chose me, by Your mercy, to be Your son before I was even born, nothing I do or don’t do can affect it. Right?”

 “That’s right,” He said. “My children know this, but our enemy is relentless in seeking to hide My grace and love. His efforts are multiplied as his end draws near. Bobby, sometimes you still soak in his lies and not My truth”

“What did Paul say about righteousness in Ephesians 6?”

“He told us to put on the breastplate of righteousness, as we gird our loins with truth and take up the shield of faith.” I felt faith rising and continued. “This allows us to extinguish all the flaming missiles of the evil one. All of them!”

“Never drop your shield of faith. Believe you have My righteousness. No matter what happens, stay the course.”

Having rekindled my faith, He left me to my reflections. The shame I felt now appeared absurd. I knew my life was meant to be rooted in His righteousness, not my own. I realized that whenever I lost focus on this truth, I was on shacky ground and very vulnerable.

Unbeknownst to me, I was no longer in a valley; the mound of packages I rested on had ascended beyond the horizon. I was now in full view of a crystal blue sea, which reflected the magnificence of the eternal dawn.

Jill and I were able to have a cup of coffee together before I went to the office. I apologized for acting out of my fear of failure and need to succeed. I also told her I was sorry for not initiating forgiveness the night before. 

“I forgive you on both counts,” she said, as we hugged. “I’m not sure I was ready to be resolved last night anyway. I was stewing in my own feelings of rejection. But I recognized this morning that these lies are ancient. I’m sorry too. God has used you to help me see the lies from the past I still tend to live in.”

“I’m glad,” I said. “Us honoring our covenant of marriage before God has been what’s held us together and allowed our love to grow. We’ve had some very hard stretches.”

She agreed.

As I entered the office, I heard, “Ask Me.”

I found Kevin at his desk, his head in his hands, same shirt on from the day before. “The batches of data are two large,” he said in a defeated tone when he noticed me. “I tried dividing them into smaller datasets, but they lose the associated header, footer and provider tags. I’m out of ideas.”

I’d never seen Kevin in such a state. His perseverance and determination were remarkable, but he was clearly at the end of his rope.

Remembering His message, I asked Him for guidance. Then I ran through different possibilities in my mind.

“I have an idea,” I said after a few minutes. “I think I can use Easytrieve, a mainframe programming tool, to generate smaller datasets while preserving the tags. This would mean we’d be handling smaller batches during the data transfer and the script processing.”

Kevin thought it was a good idea and assisted me in mapping the fields. In forty-five minutes, we’d successfully written a quick program and validated the theory with a batch of data which had previously abended. 

“Eureka!” Kevin exclaimed. We did a computer nerd version of a high five.

 We kicked off a batch of scripts, which we hoped would process all the data by early Sunday afternoon. He showed me how to check for problems in his script and how to monitor the progress remotely.

I sent him home to rest and made sure the first few batches were successful.

When I got home, Jill was wrapping Alice’s surprise birthday gift.

The plan was for us to distract Alice in the backyard while friends and family streamed into her house to surprise her. 

“I can hide her present in the bottom of my purse,” Jill exclaimed. 

“I knew that giant bag would come in handy for something,” I joked, earning me a playful elbow to the ribs.

I was so excited about our gift to Alice. Knowing his days on earth were winding down, her husband, Ray, had asked me to video a message to his family. Jill and I downloaded it to an electronic picture frame, which was our present to Alice and their kids. 

Right before we knocked on the back door, my phone vibrated with a text. Jill heard it too and looked at me with disappointment.

“Is it work?” she exclaimed bitterly.

The extensive time and mental energy I devoted to work-related activities over the years had become a longstanding source of pain and feelings of neglect for Jill. I endeavored to understand my wife better, continually learning more about her. I was beginning to realize that some of her reactions stemmed from deep-seated pain, some of which originated in her childhood and was triggered by something I did, said, or failed to do. While I acknowledge that I have also caused her pain, I was learning not to take it personally all the time. This approach helped me to remain non-defensive, at least some of the time. Which is hard for a guy like me who thrives to succeed and please people.

“No, it’s Sammy,” I replied, also happy it wasn’t work related. “He’s asking if he and his family can join us at our church tomorrow.”

“Wow! That would be great,” Jill exclaimed. “Alton as well?”

“I’m not sure,” I replied, as I knocked on Alice’s back door. I heard, “Be bold.“

To Be Continued

[1] The book of Hosea

Please Check out the  Cola City Podcast . Discussions that impact the vision of reaching every man, woman, and child in a city.

Joy in the Journey is about the gladness of God’s nearness in the midst of life’s adventures.

Subscribe below to get email notifications of new posts. We post a few times a month. Thank you for reading. 

 

Robby Buck

Novels by the Author:

What happens when a professor figures out how to send messages to his younger self to try and avoid the suicide of his best friend? Did he change more than he bargained for?  Beyond Time

By finding two undelivered letters in a old shack deep in the woods, Cassie and Daniel unknowing set off a series of events which uncover a plot to wipe out a whole family Hope Remains

 

The Lord our Courage

Packages (Part 5)

3 Comments 
Dear reader, Some of you have asked where this Packages series is going. It's an allegory. There will be resolution and interpretation.

Part 1 

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

As I found myself resting on the packages the next morning, I wondered again if I was experiencing a long dream. If so, I hoped it would end soon. I had so many questions.

How did my time resting on these packages each morning seem to fuel my interaction with people that day.? How could cardboard boxes cause me to be filled with a quality of love which seemed out of this world? It had to be Him and not the packages.

Though I saw packages addressed to each person, I never remembered physically handing them to anyone. Was delivery really about the interaction and not the actual packages?

I did get my job back, but with conditions. I was put on probation and warned not to “push” my faith on anyone. I wasn’t sure what that meant, but I didn’t trust Mike enough to ask him. 

I determined to still offer to pray with folks as the opportunity arose. And if asked, I would explain the reason for my hope to anyone. Resting on the packages, I felt certain of this. I hoped I’d stand firm when opportunities for boldness arose.  

I didn’t want to regret not allowing the light of Jesus to shine through me.

Then He spoke. This time, my anger at Fred’s cancer was not within me. Being with Sammy and Alton had given me a new perspective.

Reading my thoughts, He said, “You are learning my son. Like Sammy, like Fred, God sized problems are meant to prove you can’t. And when you see that, you learn that I can.

“What did Paul write in II Corinthians 1:8-9?”

I picked up the Bible resting on the box in front of me and read, “For we do not want you to be unaware, brethren, of our affliction which came to us in Asia, that we were burdened excessively, beyond our strength, so that we despaired even of life; 9 indeed, we had the sentence of death within ourselves so that we would not trust in ourselves, but in God who raises the dead;”

“What was Paul going through?” He asked.

“So many difficulties that he despaired of his life. I guess he’d come to the end of his strength.”

“Exactly, you’ve read in other places what he endured.  [1] So you have an idea of what it might have been. What was his conclusion?” 

“He realized since the situation was beyond his abilities to endure, trusting in himself was no longer an option. He had to learn to trust in You.”

“That’s right,” He said. “Can you relate?”

I could. Several situations came to mind, including our difficulties with our oldest child. I remember thinking once, when that and other problems seemed to multiple, that if I knew where to go to give up, I would. I wasn’t suicidal, but like Paul, I’d come to the end of me.

Again, reading my thoughts, He said, “You made a wise choice back then. You could have wasted the pain by trying to numb it, but you brought it all to Me.” 

It was Friday.  The end of a very weird week. I was hoping Mike had assigned someone to handle my duties. Otherwise, it was going to be a long weekend. I imagined Kevin would have been given some of my tasks, but he had his own work to do.

Kevin looked up from his cubicle when I arrived and followed me into my office. 

I heard, “Be courageous.”

After discussing the current work load, Kevin said, “I’ve been thinking about what you said on Monday. I really appreciated you trusting me enough to tell me about the times of despair you’ve experienced. You alluded to a deep hope which lifted you from your discouragement. As I’ve told you before, I’m not a religious person, but I respect your opinion and would love to hear more. The situation with Clarissa has me pretty down.”

I had no idea I’d be tested about being bold with my faith so quickly. I told him I’d love to tell him what happened and the reason for my hope. We agreed to have lunch on Monday.

When Kevin walked out of my office, Mike came in. I wondered if he’d been outside listening. I heard, “Keep your peace.” 

Mike said nothing about my being with Kevin. He seemed to be only interested in work. We’d gotten a new client, so work had gotten dangerously backlogged. He was getting pressure from the top to get caught up or risk breaking contracted deliverables with our customers. He told me he expected us to be caught up by Monday morning. When he said “us” I grumbled in my spirit about what part of “us” he was doing. 

When Mike left, I could feel my stomach begin to twist.

During the next couple of hours, I was able to get a handle on how much work had to be done. It was massive. I could see myself missing my Friday date night with Jill and Alice’s surprise party on Saturday. I’d invited Fred and his wife to church with us, seems I’d miss that too. 

I heard a knock. It was Kevin. I glanced at my watch and was astonished it was already time for break. I’d always told Kevin it was important to take breaks, but this time I wanted to renege. 

In the canteen, I explained my conversation with Mike to Kevin. He already knew some of it. “Mike came to me on Wednesday and tried to hand off a ton of work to me. I think they hoped I’d be able to pick right up and handle it,” Kevin began. “I got started but have questions and needed your help. So, I reported that back to Mike. In the meantime, I’ve been playing around with a Visual Basic script we could possibly use to scrape the data from the mainframe and then kick off our processes. I’ve had some success, but need some procedural direction.”

After hearing Mike’s interaction with Kevin, I felt more like I was being used. I certainly didn’t feel like anyone in management really cared. Were they allowing me to work just to solve the present crisis? I felt insecure.

For the rest of the day I feed Kevin information to further fine tune his script. By days end, we had it working on a small sample. However, when we tried it on a batch of larger data, we kept getting region abends. Even after we maxed out the value, there was no success. I was getting a sinking feeling.

When I noticed it was approaching 6pm, and said, “Let me call Jill and cancel our date.”

Kevin stopped me. He had some ideas he wanted to try. He couldn’t get over the fact that we still dated after over forty years of marriage and he didn’t want us to miss it. We agree to reconvene in the morning.

When I pulled into our driveway to pick Jill up, I heard. “Cast your cares on Me.” They were fine words, but my heart couldn’t receive them.

Jill and I had a nice Italian dinner at one of our favorite spots. Then we walked across the dam at sunset, one of our favorite things to do. I tried to stay present, but she could tell I was preoccupied. I resisted the temptation to check on how Kevin was doing, but my lack of truly being “with” Jill hurt her. This resurfaced some unresolved bitterness toward me.

Then, her disappointment in me stirred up a deep failure place in my soul and I became defensive. Not a good posture for a loving date.

To top it off, I got a late text from Kevin saying he was going home with little success. He suspected a memory leak, but he needed some time away to ponder a solution.

Without Kevin’s script, I could work the next 48 hours and come well short of what Mike and his directors were expecting. 

Jill and I went to bed back to back and unresolved. The knots in my stomach were only growing tighter as I tried to sleep.

To Be Continued

[1] II Corinthians 11:23-33

Please Check out the  Cola City Podcast . Discussions that impact the vision of reaching every man, woman, and child in a city.

Joy in the Journey is about the gladness of God’s nearness in the midst of life’s adventures.

Subscribe below to get email notifications of new posts. We post a few times a month. Thank you for reading. 

 

Robby Buck

Novels by the Author:

What happens when a professor figures out how to send messages to his younger self to try and avoid the suicide of his best friend? Did he change more than he bargained for?  Beyond Time

By finding two undelivered letters in a old shack deep in the woods, Cassie and Daniel unknowing set off a series of events which uncover a plot to wipe out a whole family Hope Remains

 

What is Good?

Packages (Part 4)

2 Comments

Part 1 

Part 2

Part 3

Like the previous morning, the bright blue expanse of water appeared in the distance, yet this time it seemed nearer. The dawn’s warmth and splendor persisted in an unnatural way as I tried to shepherd my heart.

I was emotionally perplexed. A few years back, I’d learned that suppressing difficult emotions and proceeding as if nothing had occurred—akin to the adage “just rub some dirt on it and keep playing”—was not beneficial. This stoic posture had done nothing for me but deaden my emotions and stifle my tears when I really needed to grieve, such as after the death of my parents. 

This morning the problem was trying to sort through all I was feeling.  I felt accused by Harrison, betrayed by Mike, and grieved about Fred’s cancer diagnosis. Additionally, I was worried about the upcoming meeting with Mike and its potential impact on my job, especially since our savings was not substantial.

As had been the case each morning, as I rested on the packages, I reflected on a section of Scripture. This morning it was Psalm 42. The psalmist wrote that his soul was in despair and disturbed within, or, in another translation, sad and discouraged.  [1]

This captured my emotions: sadness and discouragement.

After a bit of time, I heard, “I’m here.” 

Instinctively, I yelled, “Why? Why Fred? How can his cancer be considered good in any way?” I guess I was also angry.

A silence followed, then a question, “What do you mean by good?”

Caught off guard, I had no answer. 

I had arranged to have lunch with Jill around noon but had some time to spare until then. So, I decided to give Sammy a call.

“Hello,” Sammy answered. 

“Sammy, It’s Bobby. How’s your car running. Any more leaks?”

“Mr. Bobby. I was going to call you today.”

“Please, just call me Bobby.”

“I’ll try, but it’s a hard habit to break. The car’s running smoothly. In fact, Milly made some fried chicken, collards, and macaroni and cheese for you and your wife in appreciation for all your help.”

“She didn’t have to do that,” I replied. “Just being with you helped me more than you know, but certainly I won’t turn down a meal from her. You told me what a great cook she is. Do you want me to come by and get it?”

“Smart man,” Sammy chuckled. “It won’t be ready until around noon. Would you and your wife like to join us for a meal then?”

“That would be great,” I responded. “Jill doesn’t get off for lunch until then. Would it be alright if I came over now, and she could join us at your place later?”

Sammy was thrilled at the idea. I called Jill and gave her the address and she agreed to meet me there.

The prospect of seeing Sammy again brought joy to my heart. En route, I noticed a package beside me addressed to Sammy, Milly and Alton. I wasn’t sure who Alton was, but I heard, “Allow them to serve you and learn from them.” Strange delivery instructions indeed. 

Sammy and Milly resided on a quaint family farm located on the town’s west side, a short drive from Jill’s office. The property boasted a single-story house, a barn, and a pond. As I pulled up, Sammy was waiting by his truck. The sincere smile that spread across his face when he saw me comforted my weary soul.

The smell of country cooking wafting from the house as Sammy showed me around. He nimbly maneuvered on his artificial leg, as he showed me chickens, pigs, goats, a nice sized vegetable garden, and a small grove of peach trees.

“Are the chickens just for eggs?” I asked.

“No, we eat them too,” he smiled, nodding toward the house.

Wandering the farm with Sammy, my thoughts were flooded with childhood memories. Growing up near my grandfather on his small farm, I was whisked back to simpler times, before life’s hardships had dimmed the light of youthful joy.

Jill drove up just as Milly popped her head out of the front door and called us in for lunch.

The meal was exceptional: the chicken was perfectly crunchy, the macaroni delightfully cheesy, and the collards were richly savory. Our feast included buttery cornbread, lemony sweet tea, and homemade peach cobbler for dessert, crafted from their own harvest.

The joy they both exhibited was remarkable, despite facing persecution and discrimination due to their skin color. Being with them filled our hearts with gladness. I wished we could have stayed longer, but knew we had to leave soon.

Standing up, I asked, “Sammy mentioned your large family the other day, does anyone else live with you?”

“Yes,” Milly responded. “Our grandson Alton stays with us. His mother passed away at his birth.”

“We almost lost him too,” Sammy chimed in. “Would you like to meet him?”

“Yes, I would,” I replied.  

“Come on,” Sammy motioned for us to follow him. 

In a room at the end of the hall, a middle-aged man was seated in a rocking chair, gazing through the window at the weeping willow tree beside the pond. Under it, a pig and a goat appeared to be playing chase.

“Hey bud,” Sammy said.  “I want you to meet some new friends of ours.”

Alton turned to us and smiled. During our brief time with him, we saw a man whose entire life was enveloped in love and joy, embodying the essence of childlike faith.

Later, Sammy conveyed that the umbilical cord had restricted oxygen to his brain at birth. He was unable to communicate verbally. However, it was undeniable how deeply he loved his grandparents; and us.

“Alton is a constant source of joy,” Sammy told me as I got in my car. Brushing away a tear, he said, “He embodies love and grace. People often pity us because they think Alton is a burden. It’s been a tough journey. We think about his mother daily. Yet, we believe our loving Father entrusted Alton to us for our good. Our time with Alton has strengthened our faith in Jesus Christ in ways we never thought possible. What we can’t do, God can.

I almost shouted, “Amen!”  Probably should have.

I was strangely peaceful, as I drove to meet Mike. What Sammy said about life with Alton being “good,” brought me back to what He’d asked me that morning. “What do you mean by good?”

I now had at least a partial answer. 

Entering Mike’s office, I noticed a document at the corner of his desk that read, “Probation”.

 And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. 29 For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brethren (Romans 8:28-29 NASB)

To Be Continued

[1] Psalm 42:5 (NASB, NLT)

Please Check out the  Cola City Podcast . Discussions that impact the vision of reaching every man, woman, and child in a city.

Joy in the Journey is about the gladness of God’s nearness in the midst of life’s adventures.

Subscribe below to get email notifications of new posts. We post a few times a month. Thank you for reading. 

 

Robby Buck

Novels by the Author:

What happens when a professor figures out how to send messages to his younger self to try and avoid the suicide of his best friend? Did he change more than he bargained for?  Beyond Time

By finding two undelivered letters in a old shack deep in the woods, Cassie and Daniel unknowing set off a series of events which uncover a plot to wipe out a whole family Hope Remains

 

Grace

Packages (Part 3)

2 Comments

Part 1 

Part 2

The following morning, it took considerably longer for me to hear Him. Honestly, it felt as though I’d been resting on the packages for hours. As before, they stretched out beyond my vision. In the distance, I could make out a lake or sea. I wondered if I was in a different location or if it was there all along and I hadn’t noticed it. The vibrant hues of dawn appeared to persist longer than usual.

The previous night, Jill had asked, “How will we pay our bills?” 

I had no good answer for that, other than going into our savings. Because I was being calm, she wondered if I was in shock. 

Then I heard, “Worthy.” 

“Sir?”

“In this place there is grace, along with the kindness you learned about yesterday. And there’s so much more. Rest awhile longer. Another adventure awaits you.”

As I rested, I thought about being marinated in kindness and grace.

Having the day off, I enjoyed spending extra time with Jill before she left for work. Concerning her morning package, I heard “Explain why your meeting with Sammy made such an impression on you.”

There was no need to push the agenda. As I sat down at the breakfast table, Jill asked, “What made your encounter with the disabled veteran so impactful? You talked more about that than how you’ve been wrongly accused and suspended without pay.”

I was still grappling with the question myself, but as I began to speak, I hoped an answer would emerge. “What transpired at work troubled me deeply, I had to be alone. After getting my coffee, I saw Sammy as I was headed to the park. I felt directed to try and help him.

“While I was with him, the work problems fell off my radar, especially because he was so appreciative. As I got to know him, love and joy overshadowed my feelings of being falsely accused and rejected. Does that make any sense?”

Jill nodded, absorbing everything. “Listen,” she said after a pause, “I can pick up some extra hours at work until we sort this out. Meanwhile, you can treat today like a snow day without the snow—an unexpected, unplanned day off.”

I smiled. That sounded great. 

I had a lunch meeting scheduled with my friend Fred. Meanwhile, I brewed some coffee and savored the sights and sounds of a cool spring morning on our deck.

After some time, I heard the sound of gentle weeping. It was coming from next door where Alice lived. She is an elderly woman whose husband, Ray, passed away just a few months ago. They’d become like family to us.

I walked around to the front and saw her rocking gently, hands over her face.

“What’s wrong Alice?”

As she caught sight of me, the floodgates opened, and tears streamed down her face. I sat down beside her, and heard, “Listen. Offer grace.” 

“I feel so alone,” she gasped, wiping away her tears. “This is my first birthday without Ray, and our children forgot about it; they didn’t even call.”

One of her children had called me about a surprise birthday party they were throwing for her on Saturday, which, to my understanding, was her birthday.

“Isn’t your birthday Saturday? I asked.

“It was yesterday,” she replied sadly.

I knew enough of Alice’s growing dementia not to try and set her straight. I figured she’d enjoy the surprise all the more on Saturday.

“I feel rejected, and unloved,” she continued. “Worthless.”

Worthless! The opposite of the word worthy I heard while I was resting on the packages earlier.

“What makes you feel worthless?” I asked.

“If the closest people in your life reject you, doesn’t that make you worthless?”

“If you measure your worth by who people say you are, then I see what you mean,” I replied. “You love your kids. And I know they love you too. You’ll understand what I mean soon enough. But how people treat us doesn’t determine our value. If it did, we’d all be worthless. Sooner or later, people we love break our hearts.” 

As I talked, I thought about how our oldest child had disowned us years ago.

“However, if our worth is based on what God thinks of us, through His Son Jesus Christ, we are never worthless,” I continued. I was surprised at my words. I needed to hear them as much or more than she did.

We went on to talk about the grace that saves our souls when we stop trying to “save” ourselves. 

Alice became more and more in touch with what I was saying as we talked. She’s a church goer, but I got the impression she didn’t really understand salvation in Christ alone, apart from our works. 

Eventually, she realized her birthday was Saturday and we had a good laugh. 

As I drove to meet Fred for lunch, the word ‘worthless’ lingered in my mind. I had often sought validation from the world as well. It struck me how fragile a foundation it is to base one’s identity on the opinions of others, on achievements, or on striving to be righteous in our own strength.

Fred was already seated when I walked into Bill and Fran’s restaurant. “Hey bud,” he greeted me, as I took my place in the booth next to him. Fred was the only person I had journeyed with from kindergarten all the way through college. 

About halfway through our meal, after we’d caught up on our families and activities, I noticed his package beside me. Then I heard, “Trust me.” I’d find out later this was more for my benefit than Fred’s.

“I have pancreatic cancer,” Fred said. 

Seeing the shock on my face, he paused before continuing. “I don’t have long Bobby.”  

Fred went on to explain that the tumor had grown before they found it. He’d been given months to live, even with treatment.

I was in total shock and couldn’t get Fred and his family out of my mind as I drove home. Why Fred? I felt confused and angry.

As I pulled into the driveway, my phone vibrated with a text message. It was from Mike, my boss, requesting to meet me the following day at two o’clock.

“He predestined us to adoption as sons through Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the kind intention of His will, 6 to the praise of the glory of His grace, which He freely bestowed on us in the Beloved. 7 In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace 8 which He lavished on us (Ephesians 1:5-8a NASB).

To Be Continued

Please Check out the  Cola City Podcast . Discussions that impact the vision of reaching every man, woman, and child in a city.

Joy in the Journey is about the gladness of God’s nearness in the midst of life’s adventures.

Subscribe below to get email notifications of new posts. We post a few times a month. Thank you for reading. 

 

Robby Buck

Novels by the Author:

What happens when a professor figures out how to send messages to his younger self to try and avoid the suicide of his best friend? Did he change more than he bargained for?  Beyond Time

By finding two undelivered letters in a old shack deep in the woods, Cassie and Daniel unknowing set off a series of events which uncover a plot to wipe out a whole family Hope Remains

 

Loving others

Our Highest Joy (Loving Like Joe)

3 Comments

And her husband Joseph, since he was a righteous man and did not want to disgrace her, planned to send her away secretly (Matthew 1:19 NASB).

As we follow Jesus, it’s encouraging to see human examples of sacrificial love lived out for us to imitate. With this is mind, let’s take a closer look at the life of Joseph, husband of Mary and earthly father of our Lord Jesus Christ.

What we Know about Joseph

At the beginning of his gospel, Matthew scribes Joseph’s lineage from Abraham,  through David, Solomon and Hezekiah. We know he was the son of Jacob and a carpenter by trade.

When Joseph learned of Mary’s pregnancy, before he knew she was with child by the Holy Spirit, he chose not to accuse her or disgrace her, but to divorce her quietly. He was a righteous man. [1] 

He was visited by an angel in a dream and instructed to not fear, but to take Mary as his wife. When he was told she had been conceived by the Holy Spirit and that her son would be named Jesus, Joseph trusted and obeyed. [2] 

To honor what was happening, Joseph kept Mary a virgin until Jesus was born. [3]

Because Joseph was from the line of David, he traveled from Galilee to Bethlehem to register in the census ordered by Quirinus. While there, Joseph sought for a place for Mary to have her baby. Since there were no vacancies, Joseph secured shelter for her in a stable. When Jesus was born, He was laid in a manger. [4]   

Joseph obeyed God’s command and named the boy Jesus.  After eight days, Joseph had Jesus circumcised. Later he brought his son to the temple to be presented to God. [5]

After the magi from the east arrived and presented their gifts, Joseph was warned in a dream to flee to Egypt because Herod was a threat to Jesus. Joseph obeyed and escaped by night with the Child and His mother. [6]

Joseph loved and supported his family. The last we hear of him was when Jesus was twelve year old and taken to Jerusalem to celebrate the Feast of the Passover. [7]

Looking at Joseph’s life, three aspects of love emerge worth imitating:

  • Unoffendable Love
  • Selfless Love
  • Protective Love

Unoffendable Love

One of the most difficult heart breaks we face is when our love is betrayed or rejected. From first hand experience, this sadness has the potential of spinning our lives out of orbit and shaking our foundation. I can only imagine how Joseph must have felt when Mary showed up pregnant after visiting her cousin Elizabeth. What deep betrayal he must have felt! Yet, he responded in love. Joseph could have accused Mary, which may have led to her stoning. Instead, he planned to end the relationship quietly, not putting her to shame. 

Loving as Joseph did required an awareness of a greater, eternal love which doesn’t fade and holds beneath the veil. Joseph loved Mary, but He loved God more. He was able to respond to her apparent betrayal with an eternal love only God could have given him. 

We don’t know exactly how long before Joseph heard the truth from the angel.  In the meantime, I feel sure Joseph cried out to his Comforter to draw near to sooth his aching heart. Our Father is the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our afflictions. [8]

Selfless Love

Selfless love is loving others in spite of what it costs us. It’s what Joseph did when he showed grace to Mary. He would continue from there, sacrificially caring for his family from Galilee to Bethlehem to Egypt to Nazareth, for as long as he lived.

Selfless love is what Jesus demonstrated for us on the cross. It’s how husbands are to love their wives, sacrificially, considering them and loving them before their own needs.

But selfless love is not confined to marriage. Paul urges all believers to “regard one another as more important than himself.” [9] He goes on to tell us to be like Jesus who “emptied Himself, taking the form of a bondservant.” [10]

This kind of love, which puts the needs of others first, can’t be accomplished outside of reliance upon the Holy Spirit. To love this way requires walking in newness of life and continually putting off our old ways of thinking.

Protective Love

Joseph found himself in a very demanding situation. Jesus was no ordinary Child he was assigned to father. But he continually put the needs of Mary and his family over his own interests. He also had to protect them against any harm. Like a night watchman, constantly surveying the horizon for threats, Joseph was alert to protecting his vulnerable family.

He found a place for the baby to lay when the inn was full. He led his family in their night escape to Egypt. From there he took them to Nazareth because a threat remained.

Loving in a protective way requires putting others first. It takes a willingness to do whatever it takes for the safety and well being of others. 

Jesus willingly gave up His life to protect us from eternal separation from God. And He wants us to love others with the same kind of love: This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you (John 15:12 NASB)

Challenge

As you look at Joseph’s life, what aspect of how he loved stands out?

Has your heart been broken? Call out to the Comforter to draw near and sooth your deep pain. Will you respond to the offender like Joseph did?

Do you find yourself always fighting for what you want? Try laying aside your desires and seeking the interest of others first.

Be aware of the dangers in the lives of those you love. Be a protector, beginning with prayer. Our enemy, the devil is a roaring lion, ever seeking to destroy. [11] Continually present them to our Loving Shepherd, the true Protector of the sheep.

Prayer

Lord, as I look at Joseph’s life, I want to love like him. But I’m weak. I know I can only love others in these ways by depending on Your Holy Spirit within me. Please help me to abide in You.

I only love because You love me. Please destroy any lies or speculations which block me from fully knowing and walking in Your love.

Please show me how to love the people in my path.

May the words of my mouth be Your words. My my deeds be supplied by Your strength.

May You always be glorified by my life.

 Amen.

[1] Matthew 1:19

[2] Matthew 1:20-24

[3] Matthew 1:25

[4] Luke 2:1-7

[5] Luke 2:21-24

[6] Matthew 2:13-14

[7] Luke 2:41-52

[8] II Corinthians 1:3-5

[9] Philippians 2:3b

[10] Philippians 2:7b

[11] I Peter 5:8

Previous posts in the series – Our Highest Joy:

Unmasking the Lie

Dealing with sadness and disappointment

Eternal Thanksgiving

Fueled by the Joy of Jesus

God with Us

Fixing Our Hope

Remaining Cheerful

Not My Will

Mustering our Faith

Being Poured Out

.

Joy in the Journey is about the gladness of God’s nearness in the midst of life’s adventures.

Subscribe below to get email notifications of new posts. We post a few times a month. Thank you for reading. 

 Novels by the Author:

Rob Buck

What happens when a professor figures out how to send messages to his younger self to try and avoid the suicide of his best friend? Did he change more than he bargained for?  Beyond Time

By finding two undelivered letters in a old shack deep in the woods, Cassie and Daniel unknowing set off a series of events which uncover a plot to wipe out a whole family Hope Remains

 

God of all Comfort

Our Highest Joy (Dealing with Sadness and Disappointment)

Leave a comment

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ (II Corinthians 1:3-5 NASB).

Guarded Heart

I first saw my father drunk when my mother wasn’t at home. I was around ten years old and the oldest child. When I saw him stagger and fall, I couldn’t process the emotions. I felt numb. A few years later his drinking would cost him his job, his marriage and almost his life.

A trusted counselor once told me the armor I used to guard my heart as a kid served me well, but I’ve outgrown it now. I needed to learn how to explore and process some ancient pain. But I wasn’t really sure how.

The Difference Between Sadness and Disappointment

One of the characters in a novel I’m reading mentioned being disappointed with God. I don’t attribute my disappointment with God, but I do recognize the feeling of disappointment and wonder how it differs from sadness.

Research tells me sadness implies grieving something we’ve had and lost. Disappointment deals with the lost of the hope of something. The distinction seems helpful in sorting through some of the feelings of loss I still need to deal with.

Jesus is our Highest Joy, but Emotional Pain Shouldn’t be Ignored  

Our Highest Joy (Unmasking the Lie)

Though, as children of God, we’re hopefully growing in our heartfelt understanding that He Himself is what gives us lasting fulfillment, satisfaction and happiness, dealing with our emotional pain is very important. Exploring old wounds and freeing captured parts of our hearts can free us to enjoy the presence of the Lord more authentically.

In a recent journal entry, this is what I sense God was saying to me concerning my emotional pain: Don’t deny the sadness and disappointments in your life. Keep bringing it all to me. The old ones, the new ones. There’s hurt, but like light and salt heal physical wounds, there’s freedom and healing when you call Me near. I’m the God of all comfort. I want to bind every crevice of your broken heart with the Joy of My presence. To the extent you allow My Oil of Gladness in to soften and soothe your pain, true compassion will grow. And as the more hidden places in your heart are brought to My Life and Light, the more you’ll experience the Joy of us being together.

Challenge

Do you have sadness or disappointment which has caused or is causing great grief? Bring an especially painful one to mind. Have you denied the gravity of how this has affected you?  Have you minimized the impact to your own detriment and to the harm of others?

Though accessing this great pain may take your breath away, it may be time to unlock, deep crusted over parts of your heart, long ago abandoned. Ask Jesus to draw near. He is near to the broken hearted.[1]

Prayer

Lord, thank you for showing me how important it is to call you near in my sadness and disappointment. Thank you for showing me that denying my deep emotional pain is not what you intend. Some of these losses are extremely hard. My heart and eyes still sting when I embrace the magnitude of hurt and loss. But You are my Life. These feelings are not a surprise to you, Jesus. Isaiah described you as a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief.[2] You know my inner most parts. You knit me together.[3]

Amen.

Epilogue

Within hours after writing this, as I invited the Lord into deeper layers of my own sadness and disappointment, a sense of undefined discouragement began to creep in. This feeling lasted over a day. I felt zapped of strength, with little motivation to perform life’s normal duties. I’ve been told this mood is common-place for some folks. It’s rare for me and gives me an appreciation for those who battle depression.

Though I didn’t feel it, I clung desperately to what God says about His love for me. The next day, the cloud began to lift. I’m learning to believe God’s love and hold on to it, even when I don’t understand it or feel it.

The Lord appeared to him long ago, saying, “I have loved you with an everlasting love; Therefore I have drawn you out with kindness (Jeremiah 31:3 NASB).

My father came to saving faith in Jesus Christ later in life. Though he struggled with his alcoholism even after his conversion, his eventual total dependence upon the Lord with his drinking problem led to sober living the last fifteen years of his life. Dad’s story

[1] Psalm 34:18

[2] Isaiah 53:3

[3] Psalm 139:13

Joy in the Journey is about the gladness of God’s nearness in the midst of life’s adventures.

Subscribe below to get email notifications of new posts. We post a few times a month. Thank you for reading. 

 Novels by the Author:

Beyond Time

Hope Remains

Choosing our Affection, Complete Joy, Eternal Gladness, God is our Life

Our Highest Joy (Unmasking the Lie)

8 Comments

You have put gladness in my heart, More than when their grain and new wine abound (Psalm 4:7 NASB).

God Shaped Void

In the 1600s Bliase Pascal wrote that man’s cravings for true happiness can only be filled with an infinite, immutable object. He wrote that man tries in vain to fill this void with everything around him, seeking in (what is not) only what God Himself can give us. [1]  This came to be known as our God shaped void.

Solomon, known as the wisest man who ever lived, concluded that God has set eternity in the hearts of men. [2]

Deep within every human lies an unquenchable longing. Some have the means to try filling it with all the world has to offer, but coming up empty, they despair. Others hope the next accomplishment, relationship or pleasure will curb the longing. Unless awakened, folks keep on searching, endlessly hoping the next big thing will finally satisfy.

Awakened

Disillusioned, hopes crushed, my fragile world was crumbling around me. What I thought would bring lasting happiness left me disheartened, disappointed and empty. I felt like a failure – rejected and unloved.

This describes several “low” points in my life. I see now how I’d set my affections on God’s benefits rather than on God himself. At the time, I was  miserable. But looking back , I see these very hard times as severe mercies.[3] Each played a part in further dislodging me from an entrenched disillusionment. Only God Himself brings me the lasting satisfaction I so desperately desire.

Do not be afraid, Abram.  I am your shield, your very great reward  Genesis 15:1b (NIV).

Deep Joy, the nectar our hearts were made far, can only me found in God Himself.

In Your presence is fullness of joy; Psalm 16:11b (NASB).

The Joy of God exudes from every sunset, every flower, every breathe.

I’m to draw near and stop trying to make happiness happen. I’m to take time to celebrate.

I am the bread of life; he who comes to Me will not hunger and he who believes in me will never thirst (John 6:35 NASB).

If any man is thirsty, let him come to me and drink. He who believes in Me, as the Scripture said, ‘From his innermost being will flow rivers of living water’ (John 7:37b-38 NASB).

 Hidden Truth

There are forces at work to hide the fact that God Himself is our Highest Joy.  The world, enforced by Satan’s lies, can keep us pursuing fleeting pleasures to maintain fragile happiness. It is a moment by moment battle to keep our hearts centered on God for our fulfillment. These truths must move from things we believe as facts to principles we live by.

For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh, for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses. We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ  (II Corinthians 10:3-5 NASB).

These lies must be captured, thought by thought, and unmasked, revealing them for the hideous deceptions which they are. The truth is that only in Jesus Christ will we find the lasting satisfaction, fulfillment and the joy we were created to experience.

Prayer

Lord, I’m sorry for all I’ve chased after to try and satisfy the deep longings of my heart. Satisfaction can’t come from success because I’ve failed. It can’t come from pleasure because it quickly fades. It can’t come from people because they disappoint. It can’t come from trying to live a good life because I can’t.

You’ve given me so many things to enjoy: sunsets, puppies, flowers, ocean breezes, people I love, tea olives, chocolate, coffee, beaches and mountain streams. You are the Creator of it all. You alone are my Highest Joy. Only with You are other pleasures fully enjoyed. Apart from You, other pleasures can become addictions and idols. But with You, all moment by moment pleasures can erupt into praise for who You are and all You’ve provided for us to enjoy.

I delight in You Lord above all else. Please guard my heart.

Amen.

[1] Pensées, Blaise Pascal (Published in 1670 after his death)

[2] Ecclesiastes 3:11b

[3] I first heard this term from a book entitled A Severe Mercy by Sheldon Vanauken

Joy in the Journey is about the gladness of God’s nearness in the midst of life’s adventures.

Subscribe below to get email notifications of new posts. We post a few times a month. Thank you for reading. 

 Novels by the Author:

Rob Buck

What happens when a professor figures out how to send messages to his younger self to try and avoid the suicide of his best friend? Did he change more than he bargained for?  Beyond Time

By finding two undelivered letters in a old shack deep in the woods, Cassie and Daniel unknowing set off a series of events which uncover a plot to wipe out a whole family Hope Remains

Delighting in God's love, God's Eternal Purposes, Orienting my life from Heaven

What in the World am I doing for Heaven’s Sake?

2 Comments

“For our citizenship is in heaven, from which also we eagerly wait for a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ;”  Philippians 3:20

Heavenly Minded

Recently I was re-minded that focusing on heaven is tremendously beneficial. Since, as believers in Jesus Christ, we’ve been raised up with Him and seated in heavenly places, orienting our lives from there can bring great comfort. In these troubled, unsteady times, we need a stable foothold.

When temporal trials bombard our souls, heaven can seem far away.  As we continue to fight through obstacles in our daily battles, how do we maintain an eternal perspective? How do we remain courageous and encourage those around us to do the same?

Embracing God’s Greater Story

One way to remain courageous when our hearts feel gloomy is to trust God’s higher purposes for our lives. He wants what’s best for us and our best doesn’t always include smooth, happy circumstances.

Jesus warned us about troubles in this life, but told us to take courage because He’s overcome the world.[1]

Even in extremely painful situations, we’re to trust. Jesus has promised never to leave us. The harder thing are, the deeper we cling to Him. He is our comfort. He’s entrusted us with each life situation. Nothing is a surprise to Him.  In our difficulties dependence can grow and idols can be surrendered.

Delighting in His Love

Another way to remain heavenly minded and to have an eternal affect on others is to trust and walk in the love of Christ.

God’s love for us, in Christ Jesus, is unchanging and beyond comprehension. When we feel rejected and unloved by people, the love of our Creator overshadows it all. Jesus tells us that He loves us as much as God the Father loves Him. He tells us to remain in His love by loving others as He’s loved us.  As this happens, His full joy is released in our lives. [2]

God’s love doesn’t fit in our minds. It’s everlasting[3] and beyond our knowledge.[4] Regardless of what’s coming against you right this moment, trust in God’s love for you. The love of Christ delights us like nothing on earth ever can.

Prayer

Lord,  since I’ve been raised up with Christ and seated in heavenly places, I’m simultaneously positioned in two places. The more I orient my life from your purposes of conforming me to Christ, clarity grows. The more I trust in, rest in and delight in Your unchanging love, the more my heart is filled with Joy. Please help me be heavenly minded during the days of my life that I might be a blessing to all you bring my way.

Amen.

[1] John 16:33

[2] John 15:9-12

[3] Jeremiah 31:3

[4] Ephesians 3:14-19

Joy in the Journey is about the gladness of God’s nearness in the midst of life’s adventures.

Subscribe below to get email notifications of new posts. We post a few times a month. Thank you for reading. 

 Novels by the Author:

Rob Buck

What happens when a professor figures out how to send messages to his younger self to try and avoid the suicide of his best friend? Did he change more than he bargained for?  Beyond Time

By finding two undelivered letters in a old shack deep in the woods, Cassie and Daniel unknowing set off a series of events which uncover a plot to wipe out a whole family Hope Remains

My place of solitude

True Value

8 Comments

For in him all the fullness of deity dwells in bodily form, and in him you have been made complete, and he is the head over all rule and authority (Colossians 2:9-10 NASB)

Matters of the Heart

Funny how eternal truths seem solid one moment, but slip away the next. This happened to me the other day concerning my value in Christ. In my mind, the matter was settled, but my feelings told me otherwise. In my journey with Jesus, as I seek to surrender more and more of my heart to Him, light is being shed on lies deep within. I may know God’s truth about myself mentally, but emotionally, under layers of stuffed feelings, fortified falsehoods need to be destroyed.

God is in the business of exposing and rooting out lies we’re believing and agreeing with. When clarity comes, we can dis-agree with cruel, irrational thoughts about ourselves and agree with what God says about us. This process is hard, but yields the joyous freedom God desires for each of us.

Shaky Ground

A few days ago, without warning, the ground of my emotional wellbeing crumbled beneath me. I felt like an orc in the last battle of Return of the King, when great fissures opened and the earth swallowed them up. It took me completely by surprise. Outwardly, I had a seemingly innocent conversations. But something said, set off a flood of confusing, negative emotions. I felt real discouraged, and I wasn’t really sure why.

Fortunately, I had some free time right after it happened. This allowed me to grab my journal and try and process my feelings. I made my way to one of my favorite get-away spots in the woods beyond our property. The place I had in mind was remote enough to insure an extended time of solitude.

I’m learning not to brush negative feelings aside. They’re like warning lights on the dash board indicating something needs attention under the hood.

I sat down against a tree overlooking a small waterfall.

Lord, please help me understand what I’m feeling.

Wading Through Feelings

Understanding deep emotions, especially negative ones, is something I’m learning how to do. At an early age, I wasn’t sure what to do with feelings concerning my parent’s divorce, so I didn’t deal with them very well. I processed what I could and moved on best I knew how. This didn’t leave me very emotionally healthy. But God is a Healer. He wants me whole. He’s showing me that feelings shouldn’t be ignored. If I understand them, and deal with the negative ones, I can experience the freedom God wants for me.

I look up and see a deer staring at me from across the creek. It can’t figure out what I am. I wonder if it thinks I’m a funny looking bush. I remain motinless. After a while, it wanders deeper into the woods.

Lord, I feel like a failure. I jot down in my journal why I feel like a failure in a specific area.

Logically, I know failing and being a failure is not the same thing, but my feelings scream otherwise. Failing is a part of the journey of life for all of us. It’s disappointing, but it doesn’t make me a failure. I reason with myself.

What is it Lord? Why do I feel like a failure?

I wrote:  Value – tossed aside like garbage.

These are raw feelings I’d never expressed. Clarity comes. When I fail, it makes me feel worthless, good for nothing, rejected.

Wow. I’m not cutting myself much of a break. Why Lord?

Mixed up Value System (From my journal)

Robby. You’ve believed your value as a person is inseparably intertwined with what you do. When you fail, you don’t see it as an opportunity to learn and grow. You’re afraid it means you’re a failure,

Yes Lord. I see it. Failing does feels like I’m a failure, worthless, tossed aside. But I can’t be perfect can I?

You don’t have to be. I’ve done it all. Before you took a breath, I loved you enough to die for you and adopt you as my son.[1] My love for you is out of this world, sourced in eternity, unaffected by anything in time or space.[2] You can’t change how I feel about you. You can never be worthless because I indwell you.[3] I created you in my Son Jesus and saved you by my grace for good works, but they were never the measure of your worth.[4]

Prayer

Lord, I see it much clearer now. You’ve taken me deep to show me how messed up my value system has been. Wow. I didn’t realize it, but failing has caused me to fear rejection. How messed up is that? But my feelings revealed my true beliefs which you want to expose. You desire to slather your love and grace upon every deep wound. Thank you so much for not giving up on me.

You care so much for my freedom and joy. You won’t relent until every lie has been exposed and swallowed up by your Truth.

Please continue to uncover deep lies I’m agreeing with that I might dis-agree with them and stand on Your truth. Amen. 

Walking in the Joy of Loving without Fear of Failure

I’m realizing  God wants to take me deeper into these feelings of rejection when I fail and free my heart even more.

However, understanding  my performance never affects my value,  and allowing God’s love for me to determine who I am,  is already bringing  joy and freedom.

I’m learning to rest in what God’s done for me and not fear failure. This frees me to love the people God places in my path.

Laying aside concerns for how I’m performing brings lightness. Since the matter of my true value  has been settled forever, a childlike wonder and joy is emerging in the moments of my day.

[1] Ephesians 1:5-6

[2] Jeremiah 31:3

[3] Galatians 2:20

[4] Ephesians 2:8-10

Novels by the Author:

Beyond Time

Hope Remains

Loved by God, Loved in spite of how we feel

When I Don’t Feel God’s Lovingkindness

7 Comments

O God, You are my God; I shall seek You earnestly;  My soul thirsts for You, my flesh yearns for You, In a dry and weary land where there is no water.  Thus I have seen You in the sanctuary, To see Your power and Your glory.  Because Your lovingkindness is better than life, My lips will praise You.  Psalm 63:1-3

As the sun warms my face, on a brisk, fall morning in the mountains of North Carolina, I read about God’s lovingkindness toward us.

David was in the wilderness when he penned the Psalm 63 and he compared his longing soul to dry, cracked soil. He was in desperate need of God’s presence, His Rivers of Living Water. (John 7:37-38)

I can relate to David’s desperate longings for God, but what catches my attention is the phrase “lovingkindness.”  David says it’s better than life itself.

Lovingkindness. What does it really mean? I’ve heard it said that if love is compared to a piece of freshly baked bread, slathered with butter. Lovingkindness is like adding strawberry preserves to what’s already succulently delicious.

The Hebrew word used here means goodness, faithfulness and kindness.

Jesus tells us God’s love for us is as great as the Father’s love for Him. (John 15:9) Paul uses words about God’s love for us which conger images of an ocean of love, beyond our understanding. (Ephesians 3:16-21)

When life is good, I can recognize God’s lovingkindness. However, in hard times, I don’t always feel loved, mostly because I don’t feel lovable.

Two situations come to mind.

  • when I fail
  • when I’m hurt.
When I Fail

I hate failing. I’ve had failures as a husband, as a father, as a son, as a brother, as an employee and an employer, as a friend, etc. Failure can cause me to feel unlovable. How can I be loved when I’ve performed so poorly?

As I write, the Holy Spirit reminds me:

I’ve been united with Christ in his death and resurrection. (Romans 6) I’ve been raised with Christ and seated with him in heavenly places. (Ephesians 2:6) In spite of my failures, I’m perfectly loved because my life is hidden with Christ (Colossians 3:3-4) Even though, in this temporal realm, I’m far from perfect, God loves me as much as He loves Jesus (John 15:9).

And although you were formerly alienated and hostile in mind, engaged in evil deeds, yet He has now reconciled you in His fleshly body through death, in order to present you before Him holy and blameless and beyond reproach. Colossians 1:21-22

In Christ, I’m holy, blameless and beyond reproach. When I see this, and believe it by faith, I begin to feel God’s lovingkindness, even in my failures. There are truths about me in Christ which can’t change because they are eternal.

When I’m Hurt

Another time I have a hard time embracing God’s lovingkindness for me is when I’ve been hurt. Being hurt can cause deep emotional pain, making me feel rejected and unlovable, even by God.

When I invite God into my pain, I do sense His presence and comfort.  I’m learning not to rely on the love of others for my value.

What helps is to realize the surpassing greatness of God’s love compared to even our dearest earthly relationships.  All human relationships must be secondary to our relationship with God. In fact, in Luke 14:26 Jesus says, “If anyone comes to Me, and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.”

Compared to God’s great love, human love is like hate. God’s lovingkindness far exceeds all human affection. When I get a grasp of the expanse of His surpassing love for me, I’m filled with Joy, even in the most difficult human hurts.

More and more I seek love only from Him. This frees me up to love others for their sake, not for what I can get out of the relationship.

Better Than Life

God’s love overshadows everything about us. And when life is hardest, His lovingkindness shines even brighter. As a diamond sparkles against a dark background, God’s love is more brilliant in our darkest days.

Prayer: Lord, I rest in your love right now. I desire to walk in your love throughout the day. Even when I go through hard times, your love shines brighter and brighter. You are faithful. You are good. You are kind.

You love me.

Your lovingkindness is everlasting. (Psalm 136)

Your lovingkindness is better than life.

Please keep me aware of you and your love moment by moment.

Amen