failure | Joy in the Journey

For in him all the fullness of deity dwells in bodily form, and in him you have been made complete, and he is the head over all rule and authority (Colossians 2:9-10 NASB)

Matters of the Heart

Funny how eternal truths seem solid one moment, but slip away the next. This happened to me the other day concerning my value in Christ. In my mind, the matter was settled, but my feelings told me otherwise. In my journey with Jesus, as I seek to surrender more and more of my heart to Him, light is being shed on lies deep within. I may know God’s truth about myself mentally, but emotionally, under layers of stuffed feelings, fortified falsehoods need to be destroyed.

God is in the business of exposing and rooting out lies we’re believing and agreeing with. When clarity comes, we can dis-agree with cruel, irrational thoughts about ourselves and agree with what God says about us. This process is hard, but yields the joyous freedom God desires for each of us.

Shaky Ground

A few days ago, without warning, the ground of my emotional wellbeing crumbled beneath me. I felt like an orc in the last battle of Return of the King, when great fissures opened and the earth swallowed them up. It took me completely by surprise. Outwardly, I had a seemingly innocent conversations. But something said, set off a flood of confusing, negative emotions. I felt real discouraged, and I wasn’t really sure why.

Fortunately, I had some free time right after it happened. This allowed me to grab my journal and try and process my feelings. I made my way to one of my favorite get-away spots in the woods beyond our property. The place I had in mind was remote enough to insure an extended time of solitude.

I’m learning not to brush negative feelings aside. They’re like warning lights on the dash board indicating something needs attention under the hood.

I sat down against a tree overlooking a small waterfall.

Lord, please help me understand what I’m feeling.

Wading Through Feelings

Understanding deep emotions, especially negative ones, is something I’m learning how to do. At an early age, I wasn’t sure what to do with feelings concerning my parent’s divorce, so I didn’t deal with them very well. I processed what I could and moved on best I knew how. This didn’t leave me very emotionally healthy. But God is a Healer. He wants me whole. He’s showing me that feelings shouldn’t be ignored. If I understand them, and deal with the negative ones, I can experience the freedom God wants for me.

I look up and see a deer staring at me from across the creek. It can’t figure out what I am. I wonder if it thinks I’m a funny looking bush. I remain motinless. After a while, it wanders deeper into the woods.

Lord, I feel like a failure. I jot down in my journal why I feel like a failure in a specific area.

Logically, I know failing and being a failure is not the same thing, but my feelings scream otherwise. Failing is a part of the journey of life for all of us. It’s disappointing, but it doesn’t make me a failure. I reason with myself.

What is it Lord? Why do I feel like a failure?

I wrote: Value – tossed aside like garbage.

These are raw feelings I’d never expressed. Clarity comes. When I fail, it makes me feel worthless, good for nothing, rejected.

Wow. I’m not cutting myself much of a break. Why Lord?

Mixed up Value System (From my journal)

Robby. You’ve believed your value as a person is inseparably intertwined with what you do. When you fail, you don’t see it as an opportunity to learn and grow. You’re afraid it means you’re a failure,

Yes Lord. I see it. Failing does feels like I’m a failure, worthless, tossed aside. But I can’t be perfect can I?

You don’t have to be. I’ve done it all. Before you took a breath, I loved you enough to die for you and adopt you as my son.[1] My love for you is out of this world, sourced in eternity, unaffected by anything in time or space.[2] You can’t change how I feel about you. You can never be worthless because I indwell you.[3] I created you in my Son Jesus and saved you by my grace for good works, but they were never the measure of your worth.[4]

Prayer

Lord, I see it much clearer now. You’ve taken me deep to show me how messed up my value system has been. Wow. I didn’t realize it, but failing has caused me to fear rejection. How messed up is that? But my feelings revealed my true beliefs which you want to expose. You desire to slather your love and grace upon every deep wound. Thank you so much for not giving up on me.

You care so much for my freedom and joy. You won’t relent until every lie has been exposed and swallowed up by your Truth.

Please continue to uncover deep lies I’m agreeing with that I might dis-agree with them and stand on Your truth. Amen.

Walking in the Joy of Loving without Fear of Failure

I’m realizing God wants to take me deeper into these feelings of rejection when I fail and free my heart even more.

However, understanding my performance never affects my value, and allowing God’s love for me to determine who I am, is already bringing joy and freedom.

I’m learning to rest in what God’s done for me and not fear failure. This frees me to love the people God places in my path.

Laying aside concerns for how I’m performing brings lightness. Since the matter of my true value has been settled forever, a childlike wonder and joy is emerging in the moments of my day.

[1] Ephesians 1:5-6

[2] Jeremiah 31:3

[3] Galatians 2:20

[4] Ephesians 2:8-10

Novels by the Author:

Beyond Time

Hope Remains

I started the morning bemoaning. Rather than focusing on Christ and His work, all I could think about were my failures. They were like pesky gnats swirling around. But these unwelcomed intruders of my peace and joy found nowhere to land. God is doing a deep work in my heart. Father is teaching me that if I’ll bring these feelings to Him and not stuff them under a rock in my heart, He’ll expose them. So, I sat down, asking Him to center me in His truth.

Opening my Bible, headed one way, He redirected. Philippians 2:21 leapt off the page, “For they all seek after their own interests, not those of Christ.”

Isn’t that what I’m doing? I thought, looking after my own interests. Worrying about how I did instead of what Christ accomplished on my behalf, seeking my identity again in success instead of the fact that I’m loved by the Creator of the universe.

So what are Christ’s interests? Digging into the passage more, I see Paul is comparing Timothy to others. And in the verse before, I see my answer. Speaking of Timothy, Paul writes.

“For I have no one else of kindred spirit, who will genuinely be concerned for your welfare.”[1]

What are you showing me God?

Following is what I hear in my heart:

“Robby (this is my childhood nickname and I hear God speak to me tenderly as speaking to His loved child), you see I’m teaching you slowly, but very deeply that you can truly rest in what I’ve done. Those lies you woke up with can’t penetrate My love. Before they would have landed, taken root and spread. I’m healing your heart from deep lies and making you whole.

What I want to show you this morning is that you can trust Me with you. I’ve got you. I always had you and nothing can disrupt My incredible love for you. Being loved and cared for by Me completely frees you up for the work I have for you.

Look at every person I put in your path, starting with your wife and family, as my invitation to you. When you are with a person, or a person comes to mind, know these are from me. Don’t worry about what you think your work is. Trust all that to me.

My work for you is this:

Love them as I have loved you.[2]

I’ll show you how.

And it’s not really you doing it. As you yield to My Spirit in you, I’m the one really loving them.

And by the way, “These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be made full.” John 15:11

You will stay rooted in My love and walk around in full joy as you love others as I have loved you.” [3]

Challenge: Think of an area of your life which consistently makes you feel like a failure, an area you blew it big time. It’s okay if there’s more than one.

Assuming you are a believing child of God, does God see you as a failure in this area?

The answer is no. Remember, When God sees you, He sees His Son Jesus Christ, in whom He is well pleased.

You have a choice. Do you want to assess your value based on what God thinks about you? Or do you want to assess your value based on what you perceive others think about you because of your failure?

Based on your answer, either joy or sadness awaits you.

If you are not a child of God, this one failure does not define you either. In fact, feel free to replace the failure you’ve been thinking about with your most shining achievement. The result will be the same. Or, feel free to use the moral record of Billy Graham or Mother Teresa. Same.

All fall short of the glory of God. If it weren’t so God wouldn’t be God. And the penalty for not being perfect is separation from God. Sounds very harsh if you don’t understand Christ’s rescue and deliverance.

Without Christ, we live with our failures. We aren’t identified as His children. We can’t be with Him now or ever. We’re left to fight for purpose, identity and hope in the roller coaster of the human struggle to survive in a world filled with evil.

With Christ, all our failures are taken away as far as the east is from the west. Our past, present and future is swallowed up in His great love. We have moment by moment purpose, joy and hope.

There is great joy in resting in what Christ has done, forgetting failures and delighting in His everlasting love for you.

[1] Philippians 2:20

[2] John 15:12

[3] John 15:9-12

Experiencing God in the moments of our lives

Joy in the Journey

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