Tag Archives: pancreatic cancer

Then I awoke, not on the packages, but in my own bedroom. Beside me, my wife, whose name isn’t Jill, was still sleeping. I’d experienced a lucid dream spanning a week, yet in reality, it was only a few hours.

It was predawn. I dressed, brewed a cup of Cuban coffee and proceeded to the porch, my favorite place to watch the sun rise.

I took out my journal and detailed the events and individuals from the seven days encompassed by the dream. The scenarios and characters were fictitious. However, some elements were familiar.

I don’t have a neighbor named Alice. Nevertheless, I’ve engaged in discussions with colleagues, in my field of IT, about Jesus and Him not being religious.

I don’t have a friend named Fred suffering from pancreatic cancer, but I do have several close friends who are facing serious illnesses.

I don’t have friends named Sammy and Milly with a son named Alton, but I wish I did.

I don’t have a co-worker named Kevin facing personal challenges and showing interest in my faith. However, I do work closely with someone I pray will stop believing God and science can’t co-exist.

I don’t have colleagues like Harrison and Mike who desire to inflict as much pain on me as possible, but I have a person, who is closer than a co-worker, who seems to have that agenda.

As the sun started to tint the grey sky with soft pastels, I jotted down the themes that came to me while I rested on the packages.

During the seven days of dreams, as I listened to His voice, I learned:

To love others as Christ loves me
To converse with God, who is ever-present, and to listen as I go
That He will guide me in loving each person He places in my path
To fully “see” people around me and not quickly move past people to the next obligation
To yield to His kindness as I love
That my life is brimming with the abundant grace of God
That I am appointed as an ambassador of Christ to convey His grace
To always be prepared to discuss the Hope of Christ within me
That difficulties, such as Fred’s cancer, are not surprises to God
To recall God’s love for me during tough times
Not to gauge my happiness by my circumstances
That individuals like Alton, with special needs, bring extraordinary joy
When I seek comfort from God, He endows me with joy and courage
That I possess no righteousness of my own, only the righteousness of Christ

By then the sun was in full view and I knew exactly what I needed to do. I called my spiritual mentor, Alfred. He agreed to meet me for breakfast.

After ordering our usual bowls of grits, poached eggs, crumbled bacon, and biscuits, I shared the dream with him. Confident in his wisdom, I believed he could provide some meaningful insights.

I also shared with him the notes I’d written earlier that morning.

He was patient as I recounted my story, asking a few clarifying questions. Afterwards, I asked him for his overall thoughts and possible interpretation.

Alfred paused a moment, then said, “Your times on the packages seem like a picture of our position in the heavenlies with Christ. The timeless dawn, vivid colors, and what I’m calling an ocean of love, give me a sense of what heaven must be like. I had goose bumps as I listened.

“Reminds me of verses like Colossians 3:1-4, and Ephesians 2:4-7 where it speaks of believers being raised with Christ and seated with Him in heavenly places. Your dream gave me a glimpse of being with Christ in heaven, yet still living on earth.

“This is a real gift, Bobby. You’ve been given an eternal peek into our heavenly position, an almost “real life” perspective of what Paul meant when he commanded us to set our minds on things above, not on temporal things. [1]

“What do you think the packages represent?” he asked.

“At first, I thought it was up to me to deliver them all, I responded. “That speaks to how full of duties my life feels. I can be so busy that people, and opportunities to love, can seemed like obstacles to taming the task list. But now I’m realizing much of my to-do list is from me and not God.

“Those packages are not tasks, they’re bundles of God’s love: His kindness, His peace, His joy, His presence to be given as presents to others.

“Though I’m very saddened at how I’ve been, I can hear you tell me that God’s mercies are new every morning.”

Alfred nodded.

My eyes began to sting as I continued, “Alfred, I’ve waisted so much of my life striving to fill a bottomless chasm in my heart that screams – ‘I’m not enough.’

“Though in my head, I’ve known it’s about Christ’s righteousness, my heart hasn’t caught up yet. It believed it was up to me to earn His love, to succeed, to please.

“Until now,” I said, a spark of joy rising in my heart. “Because of the gift of a dream, my whole world has been turned upside down.

“Alfred, you’ve patiently loved me and guided me all these years. You know how distracted I’ve been.”

Alfred smiled and nodded.

“This dream has turned my to-do list on its head. My duties are no longer the main thing. My goal now is to love.

“I feel so much more present. I want to truly see the Sammys God brings my way and not just pass them by to check off another task on my never-ending task list.

“No! Completing my tasks without problems is no longer my main goal. Delivering God’s daily packages of love is what I want to be about.

“I’ll trust Him to get done what needs to get done. The tasks are now simply the paths God uses to bring me to the folks He wants me to love.”

Alfred laughed with joy. I knew at that moment it’s what he’d been praying for me all these years.

Stay Tuned for The Epilogue, Walking it Out.

[1] Colossians 3:1-4

Joy in the Journey is about the gladness of God’s nearness in the midst of life’s adventures.

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Nonfiction books by the Author:

Because joy is rooted in God and is eternal, it doesn’t ebb and flow with the waves of circumstances. In fact, as we grow in our understanding of joy, we can even experience it more acutely when life is hard. Why? Because God uses trials to conform us into the image of Christ. With this awareness, which gives us glimpses of God’s greater purposes, we rejoice because of His masterful work to free us from needing anything but Him.
For these reasons, and many others, joy in the Lord is commanded in scripture. It’s not just a good idea, it’s vital to our journey as human beings. Rhythms of Joy

Novels by the Author:

What happens when a professor figures out how to send messages to his younger self to try and avoid the suicide of his best friend? Did he change more than he bargained for? Beyond Time

By finding two undelivered letters in a old shack deep in the woods, Cassie and Daniel unknowing set off a series of events which uncover a plot to wipe out a whole family Hope Remains

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Grace

Packages (Part 3)

May 26, 2024 robuck4@aol.com 2 Comments

Part 1

Part 2

The following morning, it took considerably longer for me to hear Him. Honestly, it felt as though I’d been resting on the packages for hours. As before, they stretched out beyond my vision. In the distance, I could make out a lake or sea. I wondered if I was in a different location or if it was there all along and I hadn’t noticed it. The vibrant hues of dawn appeared to persist longer than usual.

The previous night, Jill had asked, “How will we pay our bills?”

I had no good answer for that, other than going into our savings. Because I was being calm, she wondered if I was in shock.

Then I heard, “Worthy.”

“Sir?”

“In this place there is grace, along with the kindness you learned about yesterday. And there’s so much more. Rest awhile longer. Another adventure awaits you.”

As I rested, I thought about being marinated in kindness and grace.

Having the day off, I enjoyed spending extra time with Jill before she left for work. Concerning her morning package, I heard “Explain why your meeting with Sammy made such an impression on you.”

There was no need to push the agenda. As I sat down at the breakfast table, Jill asked, “What made your encounter with the disabled veteran so impactful? You talked more about that than how you’ve been wrongly accused and suspended without pay.”

I was still grappling with the question myself, but as I began to speak, I hoped an answer would emerge. “What transpired at work troubled me deeply, I had to be alone. After getting my coffee, I saw Sammy as I was headed to the park. I felt directed to try and help him.

“While I was with him, the work problems fell off my radar, especially because he was so appreciative. As I got to know him, love and joy overshadowed my feelings of being falsely accused and rejected. Does that make any sense?”

Jill nodded, absorbing everything. “Listen,” she said after a pause, “I can pick up some extra hours at work until we sort this out. Meanwhile, you can treat today like a snow day without the snow—an unexpected, unplanned day off.”

I smiled. That sounded great.

I had a lunch meeting scheduled with my friend Fred. Meanwhile, I brewed some coffee and savored the sights and sounds of a cool spring morning on our deck.

After some time, I heard the sound of gentle weeping. It was coming from next door where Alice lived. She is an elderly woman whose husband, Ray, passed away just a few months ago. They’d become like family to us.

I walked around to the front and saw her rocking gently, hands over her face.

“What’s wrong Alice?”

As she caught sight of me, the floodgates opened, and tears streamed down her face. I sat down beside her, and heard, “Listen. Offer grace.”

“I feel so alone,” she gasped, wiping away her tears. “This is my first birthday without Ray, and our children forgot about it; they didn’t even call.”

One of her children had called me about a surprise birthday party they were throwing for her on Saturday, which, to my understanding, was her birthday.

“Isn’t your birthday Saturday? I asked.

“It was yesterday,” she replied sadly.

I knew enough of Alice’s growing dementia not to try and set her straight. I figured she’d enjoy the surprise all the more on Saturday.

“I feel rejected, and unloved,” she continued. “Worthless.”

Worthless! The opposite of the word worthy I heard while I was resting on the packages earlier.

“What makes you feel worthless?” I asked.

“If the closest people in your life reject you, doesn’t that make you worthless?”

“If you measure your worth by who people say you are, then I see what you mean,” I replied. “You love your kids. And I know they love you too. You’ll understand what I mean soon enough. But how people treat us doesn’t determine our value. If it did, we’d all be worthless. Sooner or later, people we love break our hearts.”

As I talked, I thought about how our oldest child had disowned us years ago.

“However, if our worth is based on what God thinks of us, through His Son Jesus Christ, we are never worthless,” I continued. I was surprised at my words. I needed to hear them as much or more than she did.

We went on to talk about the grace that saves our souls when we stop trying to “save” ourselves.

Alice became more and more in touch with what I was saying as we talked. She’s a church goer, but I got the impression she didn’t really understand salvation in Christ alone, apart from our works.

Eventually, she realized her birthday was Saturday and we had a good laugh.

As I drove to meet Fred for lunch, the word ‘worthless’ lingered in my mind. I had often sought validation from the world as well. It struck me how fragile a foundation it is to base one’s identity on the opinions of others, on achievements, or on striving to be righteous in our own strength.

Fred was already seated when I walked into Bill and Fran’s restaurant. “Hey bud,” he greeted me, as I took my place in the booth next to him. Fred was the only person I had journeyed with from kindergarten all the way through college.

About halfway through our meal, after we’d caught up on our families and activities, I noticed his package beside me. Then I heard, “Trust me.” I’d find out later this was more for my benefit than Fred’s.

“I have pancreatic cancer,” Fred said.

Seeing the shock on my face, he paused before continuing. “I don’t have long Bobby.”

Fred went on to explain that the tumor had grown before they found it. He’d been given months to live, even with treatment.

I was in total shock and couldn’t get Fred and his family out of my mind as I drove home. Why Fred? I felt confused and angry.

As I pulled into the driveway, my phone vibrated with a text message. It was from Mike, my boss, requesting to meet me the following day at two o’clock.

“He predestined us to adoption as sons through Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the kind intention of His will, ⁶to the praise of the glory of His grace, which He freely bestowed on us in the Beloved. ⁷In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace ⁸which He lavished on us (Ephesians 1:5-8a NASB).

To Be Continued