Tag Archives: addiction to people pleasing

(The Everlasting Way) Crucified with Christ – A Life of Surrender

February 18, 2026 robuck4@aol.com Leave a comment

Have you ever struggled with intending to do something important but never getting to it because it required too much effort. Or, knowing you shouldn’t do this or that, but finding yourself doing it anyway.

I do.

These are signs we’re not fully embracing what it means to be crucified with Christ in His death and made alive with Him in His resurrection.

But how can we understand what this really means?

I’ve found answers in The Normal Christian Life by Watchman Nee. [1]

This classic clearly articulates, from scripture, the normal life a Christian is to live:

Knowing our crucifixion with Christ on the cross and how our death frees us from sin [2]
Considering (or reckoning) the truth of our death to sin and life in Christ on a regular basis [3]
Presenting the members of our body, not as instruments of unrighteousness, but to God for righteousness [4]

Upon this knowing, considering, and presenting, we live out the following verse, which is a great summary of the gospel:

Galatians 2:20 – I have been crucified with Christ, and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. That life which I now live in the flesh, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself up for me.

This verse states that we died, we’re indwelt with the Holy Spirit, and our life is about depending on Christ, not on our own striving.

I am the vine. You are the branches. He who remains in me and I in him bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing (John 15:5).

But how is this possible?

How can we who are living and breathing live a life of death to self?

In his book, Watchman Nee speaks often of his mentor in the faith, Miss Margaret Emma Barber (1866-1930), a British missionary to China. She helped show Mr. Nee and other new believers in China the power of resting in Christ and not living a life of self-motivated activity.

Of Miss Barber, Watchman Nee wrote: “She had but one motive, one desire, and that was for God. Written in the front of her Bible were these words: ‘Lord, I want nothing for myself.’ Yes, she lived for God alone, and where that is the case, you will find that such a one is bathed in light, and that light illuminates others. That is real witness.” [5]

“Lord, I want nothing for myself” – seems to be a significant starting point for understanding the type of surrender required to reckon myself dead to sin, but alive to Christ.

Likewise you also, reckon yourselves to be dead indeed to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 6:11 NKJV).

Let’s look at each phrase of M.E. Barber’s life’s cry.

Lord

“Lord” – seems to be the most important word of all. Here she recognized God’s nearness and directed her attention to Him.

Godward attention. Recently I had a discussion with friends as to all that’s involved in paying attention. When I spend my resource of attention, I’m paying with my thoughts, my time, my focus, my eyes, and my ears. Attention costs us dearly. Being attentive to God seems to be the one thing which becomes the mainspring of all else in life.

I

“I” In a world of selfies and social media, “I” must be surrendered to Christ in ever-increasing veracity.

He must increase, but I must decrease (John 3:30).

For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God (Colossians 3:3).

Want

What do I want? Comfort? Peaceful circumstances? Popularity? Success? Security?

Yes, to all and more, I’m sure.

These “wants” are ever swirling around in my thoughts and distracting my soul. What my heart longs for is the freedom of Godward attention alone, apart from what I want.

Nothing

“Nothing” (“not one” + “thing”)

So, personally, to apply M.E. Barber’s statement, I would surrender:

comfort
peaceful circumstances
caring about what people think
the need to succeed
riches and worldly security
. . .

These seem more like cares to be given freely to God.

Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time, casting all your worries on him, because he cares for you (I Peter 5:6-7).

For

“For” (“to support,” “on behalf of”).

I want not one thing to support me or to be for my behalf.

As long as I live, I will have wants or needs; I must trust them all to the One who loved me and gave Himself up for me. [6]

Myself

“Myself” (“my own person”)

The last phrase really helps me get the gist of what M.E. Barber meant and what I’d love to be the posture of my heart.

Not wanting anything for myself, but all for Christ.

The many things the Lord has asked me to manage:

time
health
possessions
talents
vocation
my very self

are all His anyway. Why would I not want to surrender them back to Him for His kingdom’s work?

Prayer

Father, I come to You in full awareness of Your nearness and my great need for You.

I long to have a heart like Margaret Barber, whose focused desire was to live out her crucifixion in Christ in full surrender of everything to You.

Lord, I surrender all that You have entrusted to me, not for myself, but back to You to be used for the advancement of Your Kingdom.

Being free of the trappings that bog down my soul, may I ferociously love every person You bring my way.

May I boldly proclaim the wonderful news of the precious blood of Jesus, shed for our redemption, our rescue from death to life.

Amen.

Reflections

Lord, I want nothing for myself.

Yet God has entrusted me with much.

My response is to get to the point each day where I can truly say.

Lord, of all you’ve asked me to manage, I don’t want it for myself; I want it for You to be used as You will.

I want to surrender it all.

Thinking as a man who has died to what I want, that I might be alive to what God wants.

May this be the cry of my heart every day.

In this way, I believe I will make strides towards living the crucified life.

As I forget my death in Christ along the way and revert to living for what I want, I pray God will quickly show me that I might consider myself dead to sin and alive to God.

Quote

“Our old history ends with the cross; our new history begins with the resurrection.” Watchman Nee.

[1] The Normal Christian Life, by Watchman Nee, Tyndale House Publishers, @ 1977

[2] Romans 6:5-7

[3] Romans 6:10-11

[4] Romans 6:13

[5] The Normal Christian Life, by Watchman Nee, Tyndale House Publishers, @ 1977 pages 240-241

[6] Galatians 2:20

Note: Unless otherwise noted, all referenced Scripture is from the World English Bible (WEB), which is in the public domain.

Also, the cover photo is from the cover of M.E. Barber, A Seed Sown in China, by James Reetzke, Chicago Bibles and Books, @2005

Other posts in our Everlasting Way Series:

Learning How to Overcome Emotional Numbness

Embracing God’s Amazing Love

Are we More Like Batman or Spider-Man

Transforming Awareness: The Power of God’s Love

Minding Your Busyness

Our Deepest Longings Filled

Rules Don’t Rule

Mice in the Sock Drawer

Turning Gainers into Drainers

Until the Darkness Fades

Courage Rising

Recovering

Celebrating with Joy – In Memory of a Friend

Joy in the Journey is about the gladness of God’s nearness in the midst of life’s adventures.

Subscribe to get email notifications of new posts. We post a few times a month. Thank you for reading.

Rob Buck

Nonfiction books by the Author:

This collection of devotionals chronicles a heartfelt journey from a life of striving and self-reliance to one of growing surrender and trust in God.

Through personal stories of family struggles, cancer, grief, and unexpected trials, the devotions show that true, unshakeable joy comes not from perfect circumstances, but from the constant, loving presence of Jesus Christ.

It’s an invitation to learn to let go of our burdens and find growing peace in God’s greater story.

Finding Joy in Life’s Moments

Because joy is rooted in God and is eternal, it doesn’t ebb and flow with the waves of circumstances. In fact, as we grow in our understanding of joy, we can even experience it more acutely when life is hard. Why? Because God uses trials to conform us into the image of Christ. With this awareness, which gives us glimpses of God’s greater purposes, we rejoice because of His masterful work to free us from needing anything but Him.

For these reasons, and many others, joy in the Lord is commanded in scripture. It’s not just a good idea, it’s vital to our journey as human beings. Rhythms of Joy

Novels by the Author:

What happens when a professor figures out how to send messages to his younger self to try and avoid the suicide of his best friend? Did he change more than he bargained for? Beyond Time

By finding two undelivered letters in an old shack deep in the woods, Cassie and Daniel unknowingly set off a series of events which uncovers a plot to wipe out a whole family. Hope Remains

Please Check out the Cola City Podcast . Discussions that impact the vision of reaching every man, woman, and child in a city.

Addicted to Pleasing People

(In the Moments) Done with People Pleasing

May 16, 2025 robuck4@aol.com 2 Comments

My first year of Little League was a bust. I couldn’t connect with even an eleven-year-old fastball. Though our team won the championship, I felt like a worthless hindrance. By obligation, Coach Goodnight would send me to the plate, once every game or so, to take my three swings and sit down.

I felt like giving up, but I loved baseball. During the offseason, I spent a lot of time working on my eye hand coordination and improving my bat speed.

I imagine seeing me at tryouts the following year didn’t thrill Coach Goodnight. But, to my delight, my training paid off. I could connect on pitches, even from a twelve-year-old. He assigned me the starting second baseman role because I was a decent fielder.

One Saturday morning, as we warmed up for one of our home games, I saw that Pop, my paternal grandfather, had joined my mother in the stands. This delighted me and I especially wanted to play well.

Runners were on first and second when my first at-bat occurred. I can still picture the details in my mind over fifty years later. I swung hard at the first pitch. It was an outside, so being a right-handed batter, the ball lined between the first and second basemen, heading for the fence. As I rounded first base, I kept running past second and headed for third. I slid in ahead of the tag for a triple, driving in two runs.

It wasn’t a Mickey Mantle home run, but I couldn’t have been more excited. When the dust cleared and I stood on third base, I looked up into the crowd and singled out Pop. He had a huge grin on his face, wildly clapping. He was proud of me.

People Pleasing

There certainly is a place for pleasing those we cherish. As children, parental acceptance and love are important, but we can easily equate our performance with our value. After all, we learn from an early age how our achievements bring us favor. Passing marks in school means we get promoted to the next grade. Doing well during tryouts earns us a part in the play. Obeying our parents keeps us from being punished.

It’s easy to conclude that what we do determines how much we’re loved. But this contradicts the good news of Jesus Christ. Paul rebuked the Galatians sharply concerning their works-righteous “gospel,” particularly their people-pleasing.

As we have said before, even now I say again: if anyone is preaching to you a gospel contrary to what you received, he is to be accursed!

For am I now seeking the favor of people, or of God? Or am I striving to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ (Galatians 1:9-10 NASB).

Focused on Christ

We’re to live Godly lives but not to earn affection. Only God’s approval is necessary, and Jesus took care of that for us. Our right standing with God is based on what Christ has done, not on anything we could ever accomplish. [1]

Jesus modeled a life of setting aside His own will and living only to please His Father [2]. This focus freed Him from being bound by the actions and opinions of men. Resting in His Father’s love, Jesus didn’t need to depend on the opinions of men. And neither do we.

But Jesus, on His part, was not entrusting Himself to them, because He knew all people, and because He did not need anyone to testify about mankind, for He Himself knew what was in mankind (John 2:24-25 NASB).

Challenge

Do you, like me, sometimes struggle with equating your value with how others see you? Perhaps, like my first year of little league, you feel worthless because of your performance. A counselor once told me that depending on what others think of you is like handing an identity box to someone else, a boss, a spouse, a friend. When we do this, we give them power to assess our value.

God adopted us into His family as His children. Hidden in Christ Jesus [4], united with Him. In Christ, we already please God.

As believers, we’re left with a fundamental change. We must leave behind our dependence upon others for approval. We live now only to please our Father God. And, as we rest in Christ, His life in us is what pleases God.

Spend some time evaluating how you see yourself. You may be believing lies from long ago that the enemy is using to keep you in bondage and steal your joy. Your value is not in what people think about you. You’re not what you accomplish or the lies you believe about yourself. The truth of the matter is that you are what God thinks about you. As believers in Jesus Christ, we rest in God’s eternal, never changing love for us.

His perfect love casts out all fear, all of it. [5]

We get to set aside all worries of what people think of us and live every moment for our Audience of One, knowing his love and acceptance knows no bounds.