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Rejoicing in Life's Moments, Replenish

(The Everlasting Way) Recovering

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Basking in the beginning of a new year. It is chilly outside, but we are cozy inside. It’s so quiet. 😊

Jack, our two-year-old Aussie, is constantly making sure we’re okay. He’s been spending a lot of time checking on my bride lately as she is recovering from shingles and life-threatening clot removal surgery.

Today I want to take some time to align my insides with what’s happened externally. I don’t always take the time to do this.

Emotions from multiple difficulties tend to stack up in my soul and grow stale, numbing my tenderness. But today I need to steward my heart. It’s part of our recovery.

A Little Entomology

Re-covery – The word recover comes from Latin recuperare (“to get again, regain”), via Old French recovrer, meaning to return to a former state, health, or possession. [1]

I love ‘re’ words. There are several that work well as I unpack my heart.

• Reflect — to bend your attention back toward truth

• Replenish — to fill again what has been poured out

• Rejoice — to delight deeply, to let joy rise anew

Reflect

Reflect, to bend my mind back toward the truth.

 The truth is that my wife could have been blinded by a severe case of shingles. She could have had a stroke or lost her life with the blood clots in her leg and lungs.

Allowing these facts to pass the stubborn ‘No Entrance’ gate of my inner heart, I cry: “I could have easily lost by bride of forty-four years!”

The reality of these recent happenings is taking root deep within me. My eyes tear up.

Tears are rare for me, and I don’t hold back. My soul shakes a bit to go along with the tear, and soft sobs emerge.

With my eyes closed, I feel a gentle pressure on my arm.

My eyes open to find Jack’s paw on my arm, checking on me. Australian Shepherds are that way. I can learn a lot from him.

Replenish

re – (again) + plenus (full) to fill up again, to restore fullness

My tears don’t last long, and they never erupt into anything more than gentle sobs, but I’m glad for them.

I turn my thoughts to the word replenish.

During a crisis, you can’t easily tell how your soul becomes drained. But I could tell I was getting discouraged. It can be disheartening when someone you love is suffering and there’s not much you can do to ease their pain.

I felt this before during the deaths of my father, mother and sister. Seeing them suffer, I did what I could, but their pain remained.

In our present situation, many folks have rallied around us.

On the first day of the emergency, even before we knew how serious the situation was, Dean, Kevin, James, and Dave showed up at the first hospital.

On the day of the surgery, our kids came from all over the place; our brother Bill flew down. Elder Rob was with us in the waiting room.

The Andes, Anna, the Millers, the Hills, James, Kelsey and Becky brought food, and many others offered. Our kids cleaned up our house and even put clean sheets on our bed. Folks from our church, our neighborhood and long-term friends were constantly praying for us, checking in and offering help.

The presence of love replenishes. It was happening during the crisis, and it’s happening now.

And now, as I pause and draw near to God, though He never leaves me, His nearness, His comfort is replenishing me. My soul is being brought back to fullness. 😎

Rejoice

re–(intensive) + gaudere (to delight)–to delight deeply, to experience joy again

Being brought again to fullness in His presence, my soul senses joy.

In Your right hand there are pleasures forever (Psalm 16:11b NASB)

He is joy. All the “little joys” of this temporal place never satisfy us. Only God gives full joy.

But how can suffering and joy co-exist? The following answers to this question are not exhaustive.

Paul: For we don’t desire to have you uninformed, brothers, concerning our affliction which happened to us in Asia: that we were weighed down exceedingly, beyond our power, so much that we despaired even of life. 9 Yes, we ourselves have had the sentence of death within ourselves, that we should not trust in ourselves, but in God who raises the dead (II Corinthians 1:8-9).

When our hard times stretch us beyond our abilities, it helps us realize our limitations. We can give up or we can trust in God.

James: Count it all joy, my brothers, when you fall into various temptations, 3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. 4 Let endurance have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing (James 1:2-4).

Testing builds our endurance and perseverance, teaching us not to depend on circumstances to be okay. In Christ, we lack nothing.

Peter: In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved in various trials, 7 that the proof of your faith, which is more precious than gold that perishes, even though it is tested by fire, may be found to result in praise, glory, and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ — 8 whom, not having known, you love. In him, though now you don’t see him, yet believing, you rejoice greatly with joy that is unspeakable and full of glory, 9 receiving the result of your faith, the salvation of your souls (I Peter 1:6-9).

Trials purify and strengthen our faith.

Prayer

Lord, thank You so much for never leaving our sides during these difficulties. Thank You for allowing me to come to the end of me quickly when it comes to nursing my wife. This is allowing me to stop striving in my strength and more quickly depend on You. I should depend upon You always, no matter what.

I desperately need You. Even when I don’t realize it.

Thank You for providing new ways to show love to my wife.

Lord, thank You for these moments today to steward my heart. Thank You for being my God of all Comfort who is always by my side. Thank You for some tears. May others flow.

I love You

Reflections

In the days since, my bride’s asthma has flared up.

Honestly, this is not what I was expecting. In my sometimes-overoptimistic way, I was sure that after tooth problems, shingles and life-threatening clot removal surgery, health would surely be coming.

She’s had her weary moments, but overall, she’s kept a brave, persevering attitude.

I’m still very hopeful that things will turn around soon. But in the meantime, I’m reminded constantly of how needy I am of God’s strength and power. I must stay alert about this.

Allowing her to express to me what’s going on with her is vital.

I must Relinquish (give up the pursuit or practice of, desist, cease from) my dependence on me.

For my bride, I pray for her:

Recovery (return to health after illness, injury, misfortune)

Refreshment (to make fresh again)

Reviving (to live again)

Restoration (to be brought back to wholeness)

[1] Google AI search – entomology of recover

Note: Unless otherwise noted, all referenced Scripture is from the WEB World English Bible version of Scripture 

Other posts in our Everlasting Way Series:

Learning How to Overcome Emotional Numbness

Embracing God’s Amazing Love

Are we More Like Batman or Spider-Man

Transforming Awareness: The Power of God’s Love

Minding Your Busyness

Our Deepest Longings Filled

Rules Don’t Rule

Mice in the Sock Drawer

Turning Gainers into Drainers

Until the Darkness Fades

Courage Rising

Joy in the Journey is about the gladness of God’s nearness in the midst of life’s adventures.

Subscribe to get email notifications of new posts. We post a few times a month. Thank you for reading. 

 

Robby Buck

Nonfiction books by the Author:

This collection of devotionals chronicles a heartfelt journey from a life of striving and self-reliance to one of growing surrender and trust in God.

Through personal stories of family struggles, cancer, grief, and unexpected trials, the devotions show that true, unshakeable joy comes not from perfect circumstances, but from the constant, loving presence of Jesus Christ.

It’s an invitation to learn to let go of our burdens and find growing peace in God’s greater story.

Finding Joy in Life’s Moments

Because joy is rooted in God and is eternal, it doesn’t ebb and flow with the waves of circumstances. In fact, as we grow in our understanding of joy, we can even experience it more acutely when life is hard. Why? Because God uses trials to conform us into the image of Christ. With this awareness, which gives us glimpses of God’s greater purposes, we rejoice because of His masterful work to free us from needing anything but Him.

For these reasons, and many others, joy in the Lord is commanded in scripture. It’s not just a good idea, it’s vital to our journey as human beings. Rhythms of Joy

Novels by the Author:

What happens when a professor figures out how to send messages to his younger self to try and avoid the suicide of his best friend? Did he change more than he bargained for?  Beyond Time

By finding two undelivered letters in an old shack deep in the woods, Cassie and Daniel unknowingly set off a series of events which uncovers a plot to wipe out a whole family. Hope Remains

Please Check out the  Cola City Podcast . Discussions that impact the vision of reaching every man, woman, and child in a city.

God of all Comfort

(The Everlasting Way) Learning to Overcome Emotional Numbness.

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Guarded Heart

I first saw my father drunk when my mother wasn’t at home. At ten years old, I was the eldest of three children. My mom and sister were out shopping, and I was with my younger brother.

It was a Sunday, and I was watching a football game on TV. I wasn’t really paying attention to my dad when he came home and sat in his favorite chair beside me.

I found out later he’d been drinking with his friend Charlie.

The Packers were playing, which was Dad’s favorite team. When they scored a touchdown, I assumed he’d be happy, and I wanted to celebrate with him. I pointed out the touchdown, but to my horror, he blurted out something unintelligible.

It was the first time I’d seen anyone drunk, and I remember all the details to this day, fifty-nine years later. 😒

He made his way to the living room, and when he stooped to pet our cat he fell down. I didn’t know what to do. Eventually, he made his way to the hall and bounced between the walls to his bedroom.

There were no cell phones in those days, so I just had to wait.

After a short while, I heard laughing coming from the bedroom. Dad was tickling my little brother. He was too young to realize what was going on.

I vividly remember how relieved I was when my mother and sister came home. I yelled out, “Dad’s drunk,” but I didn’t cry. I couldn’t process the emotions. I felt numb.

A few years, later Dad’s drinking would cost him his job, his marriage, and almost his life.

All my life, I’ve struggled with hard emotions. I really don’t know what to do with them. I have a tendency to process difficulties mentally, but my heart often feels disengaged.

Since that moment so many years ago, my father, my mother, and my sister have passed away. As sad as these loses are, I’ve not been able to shed but a trickle of tears.

Just Feel it

I once told a trusted counselor that I wasn’t sure what to do with some feelings I was having concerning our estranged child.

“What do you mean you don’t know what to do with the feelings?” she asked forcefully. “You need to feel them!”

This was painfully obvious to her but I didn’t know how.

She went onto tell me that the armor which had guarded my heart as a child served me well at the time, as I navigated Dad’s drinking and my parents’ divorce, but I’d outgrown it now.

She told me I needed to learn how to explore and process my emotions. She gave me some tips on how to do this, using different crayon colors to represent feelings, and describing what I was feeling in my journal.

This helped, but I gave the process up too soon. Much work remained.

The Bible says I’m to, “Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.” [1]

How can I weep with those who weep if I can’t weep myself?

Crying is not something you can fake. The tears well up or they don’t.

Though I’ve had plenty of opportunities to be sad, I don’t weep well.

God of all Comfort

Some key verses the Lord has been using to begin to dislodge the clogged feelings in my heart are:

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. 5 For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ.   (2 Corinthians 1:3-5 NASB).

I love the word translated as “comfort.” In the Greek it means to summons, to call near, to provide consolation.

As I call God near to my hidden emotions, I’m beginning to experience some softening in the crusted over parts of my heart. His Rivers of Living Water [2] are awakening the deadened sinews and allowing me to feel more alive.

I have a long way to go, but I know God’s at work.

In a recent journal entry, this is what I sense God was saying to me concerning my emotional pain:

Don’t deny the sadness and disappointments in your life. Keep bringing it all to me. The old ones, the new ones. There’s hurt, but like light and salt heal physical wounds, there’s freedom and healing when you call Me near. I’m the God of all comfort. I want to bind every crevice of your broken heart with the Joy of My presence. To the extent you allow My Oil of Gladness in to soften and soothe your pain, true compassion will grow. And as the more hidden places in your heart are brought to My Life and Light, the more you’ll experience the Joy of us being together.

Prayer

Lord, thank You for showing me how important it is to call You near in my sadness and disappointments. Thank you for showing me that denying my deep emotional pain is not what You intend. Some of these losses are extremely hard. My heart and eyes begin to sting when I embrace the magnitude of hurt and loss.

But You are my Life. These feelings are not a surprise to You, Jesus. Isaiah described You as a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief. [3] You know my innermost parts. You knit me together. [4]

You love me deeply. Please keep me from ever doubting Your love for me because of circumstances I face.

I love You, Lord.

Amen.

Reflections

It’s been a while since my counselor encouraged me to work on identifying and writing about my feelings.  I started off strong but didn’t persevere.

Since then, I’ve been introduced to a feeling wheel of color with different nuances of “Happy” “Surprise,” “Fear,” “Anger,” “Disgust,” and “Sad.”

This is going to replace the crayons as I pick back up on identifying and expressing my feelings.

With colored pens, representing feelings, I recently journaled the following emotions concerning a new event in a long-time sadness, which seems to only get worse:

I won’t go into the details from my journal, but the feelings wheel helped me identify that I felt: Victimized, Violated, Irritated, Provoked, Disrespected, and Shocked.

I imagine most opportunities to feel wouldn’t require so many emotions to unpack, but this was a deep, unexpected wound.  The process really helped.

I expect this renewed vigor to both identify and process my feelings will continue to lead me to a deeper awareness of God’s everlasting, non-changing love for me in spite of what happens next.

I want to soak often in God’s everlasting, unchanging love for me. The Lord appeared to him long ago, saying, “I have loved you with an everlasting love; Therefore I have drawn you out with kindness (Jeremiah 31:3 NASB).

What I’ve just written is not meant to be a knock on my dad. It’s about my own battle with stuffing hard emotions and learning how to feel again.

My father came to saving faith in Jesus Christ later in life. Though he struggled with his alcoholism even after his conversion, his eventual total dependence upon the Lord with his drinking problem led to sober living the last fifteen years of his life. Dad’s story.

[1] Romans 12:15

[2] John 7:37-39

[3] Isaiah 53:3

[4] Psalm 139:13

Joy in the Journey is about the gladness of God’s nearness in the midst of life’s adventures.

Subscribe to get email notifications of new posts. We post a few times a month. Thank you for reading. 

 

Robby Buck

Nonfiction books by the Author:

This collection of devotionals chronicles a heartfelt journey from a life of striving and self-reliance to one of growing surrender and trust in God.

Through personal stories of family struggles, cancer, grief, and unexpected trials, the devotions show that true, unshakeable joy comes not from perfect circumstances, but from the constant, loving presence of Jesus Christ.

It’s an invitation to learn to let go of our burdens and find growing peace in God’s greater story.

Finding Joy in Life’s Moments

Because joy is rooted in God and is eternal, it doesn’t ebb and flow with the waves of circumstances. In fact, as we grow in our understanding of joy, we can even experience it more acutely when life is hard. Why? Because God uses trials to conform us into the image of Christ. With this awareness, which gives us glimpses of God’s greater purposes, we rejoice because of His masterful work to free us from needing anything but Him.

For these reasons, and many others, joy in the Lord is commanded in scripture. It’s not just a good idea, it’s vital to our journey as human beings. Rhythms of Joy

Novels by the Author:

What happens when a professor figures out how to send messages to his younger self to try and avoid the suicide of his best friend? Did he change more than he bargained for?  Beyond Time

By finding two undelivered letters in an old shack deep in the woods, Cassie and Daniel unknowingly set off a series of events which uncovers a plot to wipe out a whole family. Hope Remains

Please Check out the  Cola City Podcast . Discussions that impact the vision of reaching every man, woman, and child in a city.

 

Lavishing Grace, Not Afraid of Admitting our Sin

Cheer up, We’ve Messed Up More Than We Thought, But …

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“We fear if people ever truly knew us, they would not love us, but the truth is if people really knew us, they could truly love us” Jon Acuff

One of our pastors likes to refer to all of us, including himself, as ‘all jacked up.’  I don’t embrace this truth very well, but it’s intensely accurate. During the times I haven’t messed up too badly, I feel pretty good about myself. But when an area of my life begins to stink, I tend to go into denial. It’s easier to slather on the cologne and avoid thinking about it than to come to terms with how far I’ve missed the mark.

The truth is I am all jacked up. And I bring my imperfections into every area of my life, including my family, my job, my friendships, my… It seems the longer I live the more I realize I’m not the man after God’s heart I hoped I was. I’m not alone in this. Toward the end of his live, Paul called himself the foremost of all sinners.[1]  But even among such great company, I struggle to fully acknowledge my sin.

The Lie of Lovability

Lately, God has revealed a virus running through the operating system of my heart: The more perfect I am, the more lovable I am. Though I know its a lie, the less perfect I realize I am, the more unlovable I feel. I read what Jesus says about the sinner who washed His feet with her tears, “her sins, which are many, have been forgiven, for she loved much; but he who is forgiven little loves little.”  (Luke 7:47b)

This verse is like anti-virus software targeting the specific lie which has caused havoc in my life. In Christ, God lavishes his grace upon me. What should keep me from opening up all the crevices of my heart to allow His loving grace and mercy to have full access?

Cheer up

“Cheer up! You’re a worse sinner than you ever dared imagine, and you’re more loved than you ever dared hope.” Jack Miller

Could it be that a fuller embrace of my sin will give me a deeper experience of His love?

God is eradicating this lie which causes me to shy away from a full realization of my sin. His great love for me is washing away guilt and shame, showing me something I never expected.

Being brutally honest with who I really am, with all my imperfections and sin, in all areas,  has far reaching benefits for me and for others:

  • Greater sin, greater love -As with the sinful woman, the more I see my sin and embrace God’s forgiveness, the greater I understand His love
  • Eradicating Defensiveness – If I know I’m loved, no matter how much I’ve messed up, I can fully accept, without denial, when others tell me I have broccoli in my teeth
  • Requires dependence – As long as I think I’m doing okay, patterning my life after the historic Jesus I read about in the Bible, I’ll keep grinding it out in my own effort. However, when I see the essence of what Jesus is teaching us in the Sermon on the Mount, that I can’t be perfect and can’t live the Christian life without him, I’ll begin to yield to His abiding Spirit
  • Brings freedom – Jesus says “the truth shall make you free.” (John 8:32b) When we give the Spirit full access to the crevices of our heart, we’ll experience the freedom to fully embrace our humanity with all its ugliness and fully rest in the love of Christ
  • Really Good News – Gospel means “good news” and when we truly understand that no sin is more powerful than the precious life blood of Jesus, this makes the gospel really good news.
  • My Grace Story Brings Hope to Others  When we share our junk and related victories, others can identify and hope is ignites in them. “If God can do that in his life and with his family, as jacked up as he is, He can surely help me.”

Challenge:  

  • Think of the imperfect areas of your life. This shouldn’t be too hard. As humans, our sin is kneaded into all aspects.
  • Of these areas, pick one that’s particularly hard to accept. This is probably an area you find some worth in. Just one for now. You can repeat the process if needed.
  • Spend some being brutally honest with the Lord about your sin in this area. Perhaps you’ve been in denial about the extent. Then, with no hesitation, receive the cleansing power of the shed blood of Christ for forgiveness and cleansing.
  • Rinse and repeat the challenge for other areas.

 Prayer: Most gracious, heavenly Father. I’m so sorry I hold my junk at arm’s length, not fully acknowledging my sin. Thank you for exposing the lie that tells me I’m unlovable when I’m not perfect. What a hideous message. I’m sorry for how my lack of brutal honesty with myself, has affected my freedom and perhaps even the freedom of others. Please keep me in absolute truth, exposing more and more of my junk, that you might use me to trumpet your lavishing love and unending grace to others.

“He predestined us to be adopted as sons through Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the kind intention of His will, to the praise of the glory of His grace, which He freely bestowed on us in the Beloved. In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace, which He lavished upon us.” Ephesians 1:5-8b 

[1] I Timothy 1:15

Click to Purchase Hope Remains A Time bending novel based on true events in South Carolina.